


I can't wait until you carry my soul away

by Asukan



Series: Kakashi/Naruto Summer [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Daemons, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon-Typical Violence, During Canon, Fluff and Angst, Hatake Kakashi Has Issues, Hatake Kakashi Needs a Hug, Hatake Kakashi is a Good Teacher, Hatake Kakashi-centric, M/M, Minor Canonical Character(s), Post-War, Pre-Canon, Protectiveness, Rokudaime Hatake Kakashi, Slow Burn, Spirit Animals, Uzumaki Naruto Needs a Hug, knksummer, knksummer2020, knksummerfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:21:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 28,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25453837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asukan/pseuds/Asukan
Summary: In a world where your soul takes the shape of an animal and people find their soulmates by their souls seeking out another animal that matches them, Kakashi is certain he was never meant for another or that he lost his soulmate long ago. Maybe under falling rocks during a failed mission, or maybe by his own hand just a few weeks later.In the same world, the seal binding a tailed beast to its vessel will bind the soul as well, leaving the Jinchūriki soulless.  It's alright though, Naruto is used to being alone.
Relationships: Dai-nana-han | Team 7 & Hatake Kakashi, Hatake Kakashi & Uzumaki Naruto, Hatake Kakashi/Uzumaki Naruto
Series: Kakashi/Naruto Summer [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1850467
Comments: 134
Kudos: 744
Collections: Best Across Fandoms, KAKANARU SUMMER EVENTS, Marvelous Tales





	1. My soul is tired

**Author's Note:**

  * For [griffonskies](https://archiveofourown.org/users/griffonskies/gifts).



> This is for the first day in the KNK summer event, Soulmates AU. 
> 
> A huge thanks to everyone in the KNK server who have helped me with my first story in over a decade! You're all amazing.
> 
> And thank you to everyone who read and commented as I worked on it. It was a great motivator. And to anyone who's commenting after it's done: it's a great reason to write more stories. So thank you! <3 
> 
> Finally, now that it's posted in full I wanted to gift it to Griffonskies for always being happy to listen to me ramble about what directions I was thinking of going in.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 1: Kakashi, ages 5 to 25, learns that whether or not he pushes people away or pulls them closer, they will die and leave him alone.

_Kakashi, age 5_

Kakashi's soul stalked next to him in the shape of a panther because he just graduated and he’s gonna be big and strong and stealthy. She matched Minato-sensei's cheetah and wasn't it cool that he had his very own personal sensei?!

Their shared excitement resonated in their bond just before she started purring.   
_____

_Kakashi, age 6_

His soul was an eagle, soaring over his head. But never far away. Chūnin, Chūnin!

His father looked both proud and sad as they walked home for the celebratory dinner.

“You will be considered an adult shinobi after your ritual, son.”

The next day he understood why his father had looked sad. He screamed as an iron hand pulled out his heart between his ribs because his soul was ripped and torn away, separated, apart, away-gone-missing. Through the emptiness and the fog, he heard a voice telling him that someone was going to touch his soul to prepare him for the eventuality in the field. Then he cried out as his soul was touched. For a few seconds, minutes, hours or years, he did not know. A glowing hot kunai thrust into his chest, every nerve was on fire. Hot and cold and metal and ice and he knew nothing but pain. His throat burned and he heard a scream. Many rooms away, seals keeping them apart, his soul screamed too. 

It felt like an eternity. The pain echoed and copied through their bond and at that moment he would have broken the connection if he could. 

Afterwards, she crawled into the collar of his scarf and wrapped around his neck, small and tiny. Moving closer and closer with eyes blown wide in terror. Never close enough.

He knew it was done so that they can be countries apart. 

_Shinobi Rule 15: A shinobi’s soul stays in the village during missions to ensure loyalty._

He never wanted to leave her behind.   
_____

The day after Minato-sensei and Kakashi went on a C-rank mission. It would be the first one he had ever been assigned to that was out of the village. 

As they went to the looming village gates, Minato-sensei’s cheetah walked next to Kakashi’s dog. He looked back at the animals after he walked through the gates. The sleek feline sat close enough for her tail to brush against Kama’s. 

Minato-sensei’s hand on his shoulder moved around him in a hug.  
  
“We will be back home soon, Kakashi.”  
______  
  
Kakashi, age 8 _

There was blood everywhere and the stench of death and decay had already started to fill the stale air of his father's study. It's sweet and cloying. His soul howled in despair as his father's blood soaks into his clothes and her fur. He curled into her side to hide his tears.  
  
_Shinobi Rule 25: A shinobi must never show their tears_

Later, when Minato-sensei and Kushina-san found them, she was still pressed close to him. She lunged at Minato-sensei's cheetah, great big teeth flashing in a horrid snarl. She growled and paced the room. Restless and angry, eyes flashing. Kakashi just kneeled in the centre of the room, feeling the blood dry against his clammy skin. Kushina’s fox sat down close to Kama, not touching but almost, and carefully nudged at Kama’s side. The wolf settled down and _settled_ into her fur, claws and powerful jaws as well.

Minato-sensei and Kushina-san both sat next to him in silence. They did not try to get him to talk. Hours later, they lead him away. Kama pressed close to his side, his fingers in her fur.  
_____

_Kakashi, age 10_

His wolf stayed away, away, away from Obito's fluttering sparrow-leaping frog-barking puppy and Rin's calmer cat-squirrel-otter. They were not settled yet. Not even separated. Those babies. They did not know. They could not understand.  
______  
  
Kakashi, age 12 _

He never got to see what Obito's soul settled as before he died.

His new eye cried as he cut down enemy after enemy, snarling behind his mask. Rin was crying behind him and Kakashi had to keep her safe. He had promised Obito.   
  
Afterwards, he glanced behind to the rocks covering the cave opening and muttered a quick prayer for Obito. He deserved a smooth journey to the Pure Lands.

As they returned to the village, Kama was there, scarred and one-eyed but her fur was just as soft as always as he burrowed his face in her neck.  
_____

Rin smiled at him as her heart fluttered against his wrist and her shattered ribs cut into his arm. The smile was still there as her corpse slid off his wrist. A small part of him hated her for using him as a tool in her own suicide, another part was strangely glad that he could help her one last time. 

His Sharingan recorded every single drop of blood perfectly.  
  
Her soul never had time to settle either. Kakashi knew he'd have been something graceful because even Rin’s death was a tragically elegant solution.  
_____

_Kakashi, age 13_

Minato-sensei was the Hokage now. That bright smile was rarer and harder to see now, so was the cheerful cheetah that used to rub her head against Kama’s in greeting. It was not like he was gone, dead like Mother, like Father, like Obito and Rin, but Kakashi did not see him every day. 

There was a mission. Kakashi slipped up and killed too many out of anger, leaving no one to get information out of. He had failed his village and his Hokage and he should be ashamed, but sensei just asked him to join the ANBU as his right-hand man. Why honour him with such a request when he was such a failure?  
_____

He washed his hands again. And again. And again. He scrubbed at his knuckles with the bar of soap and then his nails once the soap was gone. The blood never went away.  
  
Once the water was turned red by his own blood, Kama grabbed his wrist in her jaws and tugged him away.  
______  
  
Kakashi, age 14 _

Kama snarled, hackles raised, as they are kept out by the barrier. His generation kept safe, new leaves for the village. But his place was next to Minato-sensei and Kushina and little Naruto. It had been his duty for months and his place for years.

He could not go to them. The barrier held strong. 

When it fell the world turned strangely silent. He only heard his heartbeat and the ghastly howl next to him.  
_____  
  
_“The Sandaime’s foolhardy ideals of peace are what caused the war to drag on and also led Obito and Rin to their deaths.”_ _  
  
_ Obito’s smile. The smell of blood and flesh and piss and shit and death. A gift and then the world bleeds red. _  
_ _  
_ Then Rin. Her warm eyes as she jumps in front of him. There’s something in me. The warm, wet softness and the scratchiness of her bones. The thump-thump of her heart before it stills. And has stopped because Kakashi killed her. _  
_ _  
_ _“On the night of the Kyūbi's rampage, you weren’t able to join in the fight. This was because of orders from Sandaime-sama. To be frank, isn’t that why Yondaime-sama lost his life that night?”_

The chill in the air. The fear in their hearts. The screams filling the night. Buildings crumbling under giant claws. The barrier going up and keeping him out and away and alone. They are dying, screaming, dead and he can do nothing.   
  
" _I don’t want to believe that Sandaime-sama planned all this to return to power. But the future of Konoha can not be entrusted to someone like him.”_ _  
_  
And Kakashi is falling and falling and the Sandaime smirks at him with dead eyes and there is hunger glinting behind the glowing coals.  
  
The moonlight made it easy to see everything in his bedroom as he gasped awake. The bright light made it harder to sneak undetected into the Hokage tower and the Professor’s archive. But Kakashi had made ANBU at twelve for a reason. No guard noticed him on his way in, he was sure of that much.

The light from his flashlight was limited but enough to scan a book at a time. There was nothing of worth anywhere. The classified folder was empty. The papers surrounding it revealed nothing.  
  
“Is this what you’re looking for?”  
  
“Professor!” he dropped the files and kneeled.  
  
“It’s alright, I give you my permission,” said the Hokage. The hawk on his shoulder looked at Kakashi with unerring attention. “Go on. Read it.”  
  
“Yes, sir.”

He had forgotten just why the man was called the Professor. That frail body hid a mind sharper than most. 

A moment passed. Then another. And another truth was revealed, another betrayal. 

"I failed you, sir."

"Whatever do you mean, Kakashi?"

"There will be an attempt on your life. I was meant to-"

A raised hand stopped him. "That is in the past. In the present, you will tell me of the plan against my life that you discovered."

Kakashi kneeled in front of his Hokage. "Yes, sir."  
_____

_Kakashi, age 15_

It was child’s play to sneak into the orphanage. In fact, he had played games like these ever since he learned to walk. The games had grown into scenarios and planned assassinations once he knew how to mould chakra.  
  
The moon was covered by dark clouds as he clung to the ceiling in a dark nook of the attic.  
  
There was a crib underneath him, and in the crib, he saw the baby, one year old. The kunai in his hand felt heavy. He sighed and dropped down on the floor.

He studied the baby alone in a crib in an empty part of the orphanage. Lonely, lonely Naruto without an animal sleeping next to him. It had been a year since the sealing and by now Naruto’s soul should have taken form, but it never would. Because the spark that would turn into his soul had been consumed by the seal, leaving him without. Marked by whisker scars and turned into an empty husk. He knew his sensei had sacrificed his son’s soul for the sake of the village. Still, what cruel fate.

There was a tingle through his bond with Kama and he could sense her approach even if he could not hear her. She sat down next to the crib and nosed carefully at the baby. Then she whined, looking at Kakashi with sadness in her one eye.

“What is it?”  
  
She just huffed and shook her head, ears pulled back. There was a bittersweet and tangled mess of emotions coming from her, happy and sad and longing and relieved.  
  
Kakashi reached for her and stroked her head. “I miss them too.”

He had been told his Sharingan could control the demon if it ever escaped. If it ever broke out of the seal on the vessel and attacked the village again. He had been given a mission to neutralise it, to kill the beast, to destroy the threat to Konoha. 

He could deny the mission. He would not have refused it even if he had been given a choice. Though as he looked at the baby in the crib, he wondered if he would succeed.   
_____

_Kakashi, age 16_

Kakashi went still. Breathed in through his nose. Breathed out.

The stench of blood and death was everywhere. The clearing around him was littered with corpses. With a slick noise and the scraping of bones, the last body slid off his arm and landed with a thud in the gorge he had carved out earlier. 

A hundred empty eyes gaped open, like the holes in their torsos. 

Kakashi sighed and started sealing away the bodies for autopsy. 

Once his team showed up ANBU Crow accepted the scrolls mutely. The bird mask stared at him as he walked off. 

_Kakashi the Cold Hearted._ He was familiar with the epithet. He liked it more than _Kakashi the Friend-Killer_ , though maybe that's because he wanted it to be the true one.   
_____

_Kakashi, age 19_

The cloak around his shoulders felt heavy as he crouched on a rooftop with a clear view of the market district. 

Below him, the people of Konoha went about their day. They talked to their neighbours, watched over their children and avoided the lonely, lonely Jinchūriki like the plague. 

Kakashi looked on as a child kicked a ball a bit too far so it flew past his friend and bounced towards where Naruto sat. The Jinchūriki glanced up, picked up the ball and ran up to the children to hand it over. They all shrugged back, clutching their souls close. 

The smile on the whiskered face was blinding, eyes tightly shut as he threw the ball over with a wave. Then he ran. A quick signal and his subordinate followed after the boy. It would, after all, be unsuitable for an ANBU captain to watch over a child.   
_____

_Kakashi, age 22_

The Uchiha compound lied empty. The stench of blood and death permeated the air. The silence screamed. So did the boy and mouse they found.  
  
ANBU Weasel had been one of their best. It was up to them to clean up his mess.

“Captain, what are your orders?”  
  
“Collect the bodies and bring them to the courtyard. We will need to identify all of them."   
_____  
  
_Kakashi, age 23_

Over a decade in ANBU made it hard to get rid of old habits. The agents were easy to spot for someone who had planned their patrol routes for years and who had trained many of them. 

He didn't know if he should feel amused or annoyed as he spotted yet another ANBU as he tested the newest batch of would-be genins.

All of them selfish, all of them incapable of working together. These last three were the same.

One of them, a boy with good basics but no sense, screamed and lunged at him. The others followed suit. Not from any place of loyalty or wanting to help, just anger. They wanted to hurt him. Their souls all shifted into large predators to try and intimidate him. They snarled and roared and howled. 

Kakashi sighed. A flick of his wrist and the kunai pinned the original throwers to a tree and a kick of his leg had the last child crash into the ground in front of her could-have-been teammates. 

The snarling predators grew quiet as Kama slank out of the woods and walked up to Kakashi's side, completely quiet. They only needed to glance at her, large and scarred and utterly unimpressed for a panther to turn into a squirrel, a wolf into a puppy and a mountain lion into a lamb. 

Since there was no use staying around he teleported away without another word. Tenzō had promised him drinks after his first genin test.  
_____  
  
_Kakashi, age 25_ _  
_ _  
_ There was a flamingo at his window. The bright light of dawn illuminated its pink feathers amazingly and it was frankly painful to look at this early in the morning. He closed his eye against the bright glare. The bird then decided to screech at him. Loudly.

“Rival!”  
  
There were very few hours in the day when Gai’s presence was tolerable. As the sunrise painted the sky blood-red it was far too early for the loud idiot.  
  
“Go away!” he grumbled and hid his head under the pillow.  
  
Unfortunately, no mortal pillow could withstand a Maito Gai who was determined to be as Youthful and Loud as needed.“I demand a challenge!”  
  
“No,” he said with a groan. If anyone claimed it was more of a whine he would kill them.  
  
Gai laughed, undeterred. “If you do not join me, I shall serenade the glory of the dawn with a most youthful enthusiasm!”  
  
Kakashi sat up. The flamingo flapped her wings in greeting. Behind her, Gai gave him a thumbs up. “If I promise to join for a challenge in the afternoon, will you let me sleep?”  
  
“Of course, rival!”  
_____

Kakashi sat on his bed with Kama curled close and stared out of the window. The half-moon was hidden behind clouds, making the winter night feel even darker. 

“I was just given the last Uchiha and Naruto, Kama.”

She huffed and laid her head in his lap and from their bond he sensed wariness and excitement in equal measure. 

“I don’t know if I’ll be good enough.”


	2. My soul is broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2: Kakashi, age 26, is now in charge of three little children. It'll probably be fine. Sure, he's not emotionally stable to handle himself most days but how hard could it be? And they are sort of cute. Well, in a murder gremlin sort of way.

_Kakashi, age 26_

He introduced himself to the brats: the last Uchiha with an eye that only Kakashi can train him in if it awakens; the clever girl with book smarts and a tightly coiled chakra; and the Fourth's legacy in the form of the Jinchūriki of the demon fox. 

The Jinchūriki who will be guarded by the Fourth's student with an eye that can control it and with experience in killing Jinchūriki for the love of the village. The Jinchūriki who glanced at Sasuke and Sakura and sighed at how both his teammates kept away. Naruto smiled and ignored the looks from the souls as they kept close to their human’s side.

_____ 

He looked at the kids: the stoic genius with a crow with ruffled feathers, the girl with a crush and an elegant cat and the idiot without a soul tied to a pole. They were reaching out to the boy in the middle, the soulless one, the one they’d instinctively avoided up until now. He wondered if Minato-sensei had felt the same fondness back then. 

There was only one path forward. He sent his old team a stray thought and promised to look after this team better than his last.

He passed them with a smile on his face.

_____

The sun was mercilessly warm on the back of his neck as Kakashi talked to his old team about the one he had passed the day before. He was sure that Obito would have mocked him for being late the very first day, but truly, that would have made him a hypocrite.  
  
He could feel Kama’s annoyance with him as she approached. She growled softly as she got close enough for him to hear her. 

“It’s a nice day and small children need sunlight to grow.”

The growl was both louder and right next to him this time. He glanced down. A supremely unimpressed Kama glared back at him, teeth flashing in the sun.  
  
“Or was that plants? I never remember.”  
  
She huffed and walked in front of him, blocking the memorial from view. He braced himself in time for her to rear up on her hind legs and put her front paws on his shoulders. Sharp teeth nipped at one of his ears before a wet tongue started licking his hair. 

“Get off!”  
  
She backed off a bit and butted her head against his softly. Then she leaned back a bit and gave a puppy eye his ninken would have killed to be able to pull off.  
  
“Alright, alright, I’m coming!”  
  
As they walked to training field three he felt Kama’s tail bounce against his legs every so often. He glanced down to see it wagging. He stared at her. She had not wagged her tail in more than a decade. 

_____

It had been four weeks. Four weeks of being late somewhere because people were waiting and having two voices shout out in unison at him. Almost a month of D-rank missions of weeding gardens and finding pets. He was back to sparring with opponents that he could kill far too easily if he wasn't constantly restraining himself. The last S-rank he was on was ages ago and the blood was washed out of his uniform by now. 

It was surprisingly relaxing. Sure, his genins barely got along and would probably drive him insane, but they had potential. And while it was incredibly boring to watch them walk dogs, finding out new ways to mess with them in the name of training was entertaining. They all looked so cute when they glared. 

Speaking of, he heard a dull thud and the jangling of metal against glass from below him. He looked down with a wave and saw a flushed Sasuke dripping with sweat. The poor boy was giving him a death glare from where he stood underneath the tree Kakashi had been napping in with Kama. Sasuke's soul was currently taking the form of a growling panther whose death glare rivalled that of her human. Next to them both sat two overflowing bags of trash. And behind him, Naruto and Sakura were squabbling with each other as they balanced two bags each. Their cheeks were just as red as Sasuke's. 

"Well done, guys!" Kakashi said, clapping his hands together and smiling at the suffering on their faces. "That's another D-rank finished."

"Can we please remove the weights now, sensei?" asked Sakura, sinking down to the ground. Around her neck rested a weary-looking otter. A few hours earlier that animal had been frolicking in the river. Well, that's what some hours of honest work did to you. 

"The river is clean, so go ahead," he replied, already planning out tomorrow's training and how he could make them suffer.

Naruto cheered and shrugged off his standardised Konoha backpack. It fell to the ground with a heavy thud. Sasuke and Sakura quickly followed his example.

"Alright, you're dismissed," Kakashi said and waved them off. "I'll write up the report. See you tomorrow at 6."

There was some grumbling about seeing him around noon. Kakashi decided to be magnanimous and ignore it.

Sasuke walked off without a word but with heavy steps. Naruto waved at them all and ran off with a shouted invitation to join Iruka-sensei and him at Ichiraku Ramen in an hour. And Sakura, she stayed behind, clutching her hands in front of her. Kakashi settled down against the tree and waited.

"Sensei… I've been meaning to ask…"

She went quiet. When she blushed and looked down at her feet rather than telling him what was on her mind he leapt down from the tree and landed in front of her.

"What is it, Sakura?"

"It's about Naruto… I…" she took a deep breath. "I was wondering if you knew why he has no soul."

Kakashi cursed inwardly. While he had expected this day ever since he passed his team, he had not been looking forward to the conversation. 

"There is a jutsu that permanently breaks the bond between a person and their soul, leaving them functionally soulless," he said, sitting down with his back against the tree. Kama jumped down as well and sat down next to him. Sakura and her weasel sat down in front of them. He took in her demure way of holding herself, her eyes not meeting his, and frowned. "It was popular at the start of the Third war. And it's common that the humans physically and mentally deteriorate until, eventually, they die. Those who survive are blank and lifeless, and their souls are driven rabid. If Naruto was, truly, soulless I imagine that he would be like those shinobi."

Sakura looked up at that. Her young face was so open and vulnerable. "Do you think he's got a soul? Just inside?"

Kakashi chuckled and crossed his ankles, relaxing his shoulders and making sure to knock his sandals against his student's. Sakura jumped a bit, but sat down beside him and copied his body language. She still smelled of fear.

Kakashi glanced down at her. "Does Naruto seem lifeless to you?"

The girl blushed. Twisted her hands together where they lied, shaking, on her lap. "Well no, but…"

"But?"

She went quiet, still. Kakashi waited as she bit her lip and glanced away. "Maybe he's pretending?"

" _Naruto?_ " Kakashi did his best to draw out the name and imbue it with all that was Naruto: something loud and obnoxious and strangely endearing. "Deceiving people?"

Sakura giggled. "You're right, sensei, it doesn't sound like Naruto. I just, I've heard the villagers talk."

"People always talk," Kakashi said, reaching out to ruffle her hair. She tried to dodge, but no Genin could be faster than a Jōnin, so she ended up glaring at him as she tried to comb back the long strands into some semblance of order. He just smiled at her. The kids reminded him of puppies when they glared. No one had ever told him how cute your own genins were. "But even then, does it matter?"

She elbowed him in his side in retaliation, which he couldn't even feel through the west. But he made sure to flinch back a bit to see her smile. "What do you mean, Sensei?"

"If someone puts on a mask for long enough, it turns into their face."

Sakura glanced at him and tilted her head.

He nodded solemnly. "Indeed, I wore this mask for an hour past the recommended time and now it's permanently stuck."

Her groan was music to his ears. He smiled at her and put a hand on her shoulder. It was relaxed now. He squeezed it before standing up.

"Naruto is Naruto, right?"

"Yeah," she said, looking in the direction her teammate had run off in. "Thanks, Kakashi-sensei."

_____

A knock on the door interrupted him in his reading. That better not be another S-rank mission just as he had come back from his previous one. He glared at the door as if it was personally going to drag him out of bed and out into the rain, cold and bloody mess in the Land of Grass. His pack all looked to the door and muttered amongst themselves about who would leave their spot on the bed to open it. Bisuke curled closer to Kakashi’s head and nuzzled his cheek. 

Bull huffed and lumbered off the bed to nudge the handle down with his nose. The dog then continued down the hallway, nails clicking against the floorboards until he managed to let the guest into the hallway. 

"Kakashi-sensei, I-" Naruto's loud voice stopped mid-sentence, presumably as he was met with a large dog rather than a man. Bull gave a happy bark. "Hello there! This is Kakashi-sensei's place, right?”  
  
Bull barked again and Kakashi heard Naruto’s laughter.

Then the shuffling footsteps of sandals upon wood could be heard. It was good to know that Naruto had been taught about making sounds when visiting the home of an ally.

The whiskered face of his most surprising student peeked around the door and smiled when he found his sensei in bed, covered by dogs. How had Naruto figured out where Kakashi lived? And why did he smell so strongly of flowers and dirt?

"Yo," Kakashi said with a casual wave and made sure not to show his student how much it hurt. 

"I didn't know you had pets, sensei!" he said, then he waved at the dogs. "Hi! I'm Uzumaki Naruto. You all look awesome."

His dogs grumbled a bit, but it was hard to stay angry in the face of such a wide grin. Even for a pack of noble and proud ninken. Kakashi smiled at them as they fought between being offended at being called pets and preening at being called awesome. 

"They're my pack of ninken. Highly trained and very useful on missions.”

"Oh, right," the boy deflated a bit, "You're resting after your mission right now, right?"

"I'm sure I'll survive you, Naruto."

"I should leave-" the boy stumbled inside, "Oh!"

Kakashi raised an eyebrow, intrigued. 

Many of his questions were answered as Kama walked in after Naruto, tongue lolled out in a wolfish grin and looking incredibly pleased with herself. She lowered her head to nudge the boy forwards again and he jumped away, looking stricken. 

"I'm sorry!" Naruto curled up on the floor, arms covering his head. "I didn't- I wouldn't."

The stench of Naruto's fear filled the room. Kakashi swore and his pack jumped down from his bed. He awkwardly clambered to his feet, muscles protesting the entire way, and crouched down next to his cowering student.

"Naruto?" he slowly reached out a hand to place it on the boy's shaking shoulder. Naruto stilled as soon as he put a hand on him and leaned into the touch. Kakashi frowned. "What's wrong?"

"I didn't mean to touch her. I'm sorry!"

Oh. Kakashi swallowed. Closed his right eye. Took a deep breath. And another. Then he looked at his student again and smiled.

"Naruto, look at me."

One sky blue eye, shimmering with tears that the boy would never let fall, opened and looked at him. 

"You did nothing wrong."

"Really?" The hope on that childish face was painful to see. 

"Really," he replied, nodding. He moved his hand to pet the golden locks. They were incredibly silky and soft and reminded Kakashi of his pack as puppies. He kept his hand there, slowly stroking. Naruto froze and looked at him with blue eyes blown wide, before slowly leaning into the touch. "First off, Kama touched you, not the other way around. Secondly, it's only skin on soul contact that negatively affects anyone. I'm not hurt in any way."

His wolf huffed and walked up to the boy, butting her head against his arm to make him look at her. Naruto looked at her, a wobbling smile on his face.

"I always thought I hurt people's souls no matter what since I'm a freak," he said, blissfully ignorant of how Kakashi wanted to _hunt_ and _kill_. "But I don't hurt you, do I, Kama-sensei?"

Kakashi blinked at the way his student actually turned and addressed his soul by name. Of course Naruto would not know about how people considered it too personal to talk to a soul not their own. While strange, he realised that he did not mind. It was unconventional, but it was also Naruto.

The wolf next to them shook her head. It looked ridiculous with her flopping tongue and she knew it, based on how pleased she looked when Naruto giggled. 

Kakashi couldn't laugh. His pack all looked to him, waiting for the order. There was no target to give them because they could not hunt _everyone_ and _no-one_. Instead, he ruffled the hair underneath his trembling fingers harder, making Naruto dodge away, laughing. 

"Kama-sensei, huh?"

"Well yes. She's you and you're my sensei so she's also my sensei! Just furrier!"

At this, Kakashi did chuckle. What a delightfully Naruto way of looking at things. 

Naruto sat up and glanced between a chuckling Kakashi and nine grinning canines.

"What? Should I call her something else?"

"No, no,” he said, shaking his head and still chuckling at how indignant the poor boy looked. “Kama-sensei does seem appropriate. You're right."

Naruto glared at him, arms crossed. "Are you laughing at me, sensei?"

"Maa," he stopped laughing and got up to sit on his bed again. The floor was not kind to his stiff legs. "Sensei is sorry."

The boy huffed and crossed his arms. "See if I visit you after a mission again."

"I can't remember inviting you in the first place."  
  
The boy answered this with as much gravitas and respect any genin should show their master, meaning he stuck out his tongue at Kakashi while gesturing rudely with his hand.

"Oh! That reminds me!" And with that Naruto scrambled to his feet and opened Kakashi's door and picked something up from the outside. As he turned around again, Kakashi saw a large clay pot with a tiny little green plant in it. A small card was tied to the plant with a bright orange ribbon. "A welcome home gift!"

"A plant?" Kakashi held out his hands and graciously accepted the flower pot. The card was drawn by hand. Based on the clumsy brushstrokes and bright colours he was pretty sure he could guess just who had drawn the picture of a smiling dog. He flipped open the card and squinted a bit at the messy scrawl.  
  
 _Welcome home, Kakashi-sensei! I wanted to give you something cool cause you’re the best!_

He looked up at the boy and didn't know what to say. Thankfully, Naruto could talk enough for two.

"We were at Ino's dad's store because I needed plant food and then we saw Ukki-kun in a corner. They were gonna throw her away cause she's tiny and no one wanted her. And I thought you might like it.”  
  
“We?”  
  
“Kama-sensei and I! She came to my apartment a few days back with a bag of fruits and vegetables and she showed up this morning just as I was leaving for the flower shop. And then she showed me where you both live so I wasn't rude in showing up. You're the rude one, telling me I wasn't invited when I totally was!”

Now Kakashi could take offence at being lectured about politeness from the loudmouthed brat who routinely insulted their Hokage and had just recently flicked Kakashi off, but you did not survive for twenty years as a shinobi if you did not know how to pick your battles.

“You named a plant Ukki-kun?"

"It's an awesome name, sensei!"

"Maa, you’re right,” said Kakashi and shuffled back until he could lean against Bull, who had fallen asleep on Kakashi’s pillows. “Now, I’m not that good with plants. How do I look after Ukki-kun?”

His quiet reading had been interrupted, but as his loudest student told him all about plant care he found that he didn't mind.

_____

Once Naruto’s demands had granted them a C-rank mission - and Kakashi was still amazed by how no one had yelled at him for not keeping Naruto in check - they had to sit down for a talk. He wished it was about proper decorum in front of the Hokage, but no. The suspicion in Tazuna's eyes had been telling.

"Before we set out for Wave, make sure you keep a clone transformed into an animal with you at all times outside of the village,” Kakashi said, keeping a hand on the boy’s shoulder to keep his attention focused on Kakashi. He had noticed that just touching the boy would often calm him down. The anger he had felt at realising this was neither here nor there. In the same way, a few dozen trees went missing from Training Ground 3. Explosively. But hey, what did you have cute little kouhais for if not to harass so they made new trees? “It’s a good thing you have the chakra for it."

"Why do I have to do that, sensei?"

"Our client isn't from the village and wouldn't be used to seeing someone walking around without a soul. And neither will the people in his village. To be honest, you should do the same whenever you leave the village before you make Chūnin. At that point, you’d be expected to leave your soul in the village.”

“Alright, sensei.”

And with a hand sign, a second Naruto stood before them.

“Turn into some animal.”  
  
“Yes, boss!” the clone saluted, then vanished in a puff of smoke. Once the smoke cleared, a fox with large ears, blue eyes and the same whiskers that marked Naruto’s face on the fluffy cheeks. Its fur was silky and rippling like fire in the sunlight. The clone leapt into the original’s arms and Kakashi looked away as Naruto burrowed his face in the soft-looking fur. 

_____

A simple escort mission, a typical C rank and a good pick for any Genin team’s first time outside of the village, was quickly turned into a heavy protection mission against S-rank missing-nin and his little students were not ready. They were so heartbreakingly obviously only children. While Sasuke kept his calm, neither Sakura or Naruto dealt with the stress well. And Sasuke, brilliant for his age he may be, had not been ready for an enemy like the Demon of the Mist. 

They showed that they could work together and that he installed his lessons about never abandoning a teammate a bit too well. He watched, impressed by the displayed cunning from Naruto, as Sasuke was willing to follow along with Naruto's plan to disrupt the imprisonment jutsu. 

_____

Afterwards, the bridge was covered in blood. Kakashi walked through it all to pick up Zabuza, the so-called demon turned human by a so-called soulless husk. He eased Zabuza down next to Haku’s body, before taking a few steps back. 

As it started snowing, he wished both their souls a happy reunion in the Pure Lands. 

Sasuke's soul, now settled as an ocelot, offered her human much-needed support as Sasuke pressed close. Sakura curled close to a wolf that was similar to Kama in colouring. Naruto, lonely Naruto, clutched the back of Kakashi's vest and leaned close.

Once back in Konoha, Naruto started to have a transformed clone with him during training. Most of the time it was the same fox he had taken with him to Wave. Sometimes it was a dog, other times a panther. But it was always an animal with fur. 

The smile on Naruto’s face every time he pet the fur of his own clone was achingly beautiful in its grief.

_____

The sky was overcast and the dark clouds were mirrored in his student’s eyes as Naruto approached Kakashi’s spot under a tree. His most surprising student was biting his lips and dragged his feet as he saw Kama lying next to her human. Kakashi pulled out his book and prepared to wait for it. Naruto was not one to hold in his emotions for long. It would get him in trouble one day, well more than it already did with the Hokage, but that was what Kakashi was there for, after all. He was meant to prepare his students for the harshness of their world. Taking children and moulding them into soldiers, into tools with no other purpose than to serve their village. Still, in the case of Naruto, he rather suspected he would have more luck shouting at the ocean to make it stay still.  
  
Naruto sat down on Kakashi’s right side after giving a wave to Kama. She raised her great big head and grinned at him in greeting. Naruto’s smile wobbled as fidgeted and ran his fingers through the tall grass surrounding the gnarled roots. He pulled up a few, braided them, tore the braid apart. Kakashi kept reading.

Then Naruto shifted next to him and took a deep breath. “Hey, sensei?”

Kakashi relaxed against the tree. “Yes, Naruto?”  
  
“What’s it like to have a soul?” Naruto asked, while trying to discreetly glance over at Kama. Kakashi smiled at the attempt. It was hard not to notice those blue, blue eyes. He hummed and rubbed his chin, because explaining this felt a bit like explaining what it felt like to breathe.

“It’s constant companionship,” he answered, reaching out to scratch Kama behind the ears. “No matter how far away Kama is, I know she’s there.”  
  
“That must be nice,” Naruto said with a wistful smile on his lips, but there was genuine warmth in his voice.

Kakashi glanced down at his student who had longed for something for his entire life but could not begrudge someone else for having it. 

“Yes. Yes, it is.”

They fell quiet, but Naruto did not leave like he normally would if he had gotten everything that he wanted out of Kakashi. Kakashi looked down at his book again and started reading about Tanaki-san’s mysterious past. He could hear the shifting of cloth against bark as Naruto fidgeted once more. At some point he had to teach the idiot how to conceal his emotions. At the very least during missions. He was not sure if he wanted Naruto to act less like himself while in the village.

The boy next to him coughed. Kakashi would have laughed, had the boy not looked so hesitant.  
  
“Hmm?”  
  
“When are you meant to get a soul, Kakashi-sensei?” Naruto asked, looking down at his twisting hands. “Are you born with the animal? Or do they… y’know, show up later?”  
  
“You always have one, from birth. But at first it’s inside of you, kept safe. The soul mirrors the body, so if your soul took an animal form at the moment of birth, it would take the shape of a newborn animal.”  
  
“Like a toadstool?”  
  
“Exactly.” 

“So…,” Naruto glanced up and Kakashi smiled down at him. “When does the soul come out? As an animal?”

Kakashi looked at those blue eyes and remembered a day, years earlier, when he had stood above Naruto’s crib in a dark, silent room. 

“On the baby’s first birthday,” he said, not thinking about the dusty attic where they had put Konoha’s Jinchūriki. “The soul will take the shape of an animal that’s a year old.”

“Ohh… that must help with not accidentally getting separated when the baby crawls and the soul can’t follow?”  
  
“That might very well have been it, Naruto, if it wasn’t for the fact that Separation is never an accident,” Kakashi said, the hand in Kama’s fur clenching at the memory. “It’s something done on purpose. Something all Shinobi have to go through. We’re never quite the same after. Like two sides of the same coin, kept apart.”  
  
“That’s really awful, sensei," Naruto said, frowning at the world for daring to be unfair.  
  
“A Shinobi can’t carry their souls with them on missions,” Kakashi said, thinking back to his own first mission outside of the village. “They’d be obvious targets.”  
  
“But I’ve seen Kama-sensei run as fast as you, sensei!”  
  
Kakashi laughed at the boy’s confusion. When Naruto glared at him, Kakashi reached out and ruffled his student’s hair. This time Naruto did not freeze, but he still glanced at Kakashi in surprise.

“We can both use chakra, yes, but a soul can’t really perform jutsu,” Kakashi said, "so while she’s faster and stronger than a normal wolf, she wouldn’t be able to do much to even deflect a few kunai. And if the soul is even touched by someone not their human or their mate, the pain is the most excruciating thing imaginable. A shinobi would be willing to do anything, say anything, to make it stop.”  
  
Naruto finally looked at him with those blue eyes looking sad. “You know it, don’t you, sensei?”  
  
“It’s part of the Separation. To prepare a ninja for the eventuality. All Chūnin and up are intimately familiar with it. Touching the soul of your village civilian’s or any comrade is a capital offence,” Kakashi said, and then glanced down at Naruto’s confused frown and smiled before clarifying. “It’s punishable by death.”   
  
Naruto pulled his legs close and hugged his knees. Kakashi waited. After a while, Naruto glanced at him again.

“So…" Naruto said, more quiet than normal. "What do you know about soulmates, sensei?”

"It's the person most suitable for us and the one other person who can touch our soul without causing pain."

The boy straightened at that and looked at Kama. She looked back with a wolfish grin.

“Once your mate’s soul has settled, your soul will seek them out. And their soul will seek you out in turn. Then, as you touch the soul, you’ll know your mate even if you’d never met them before.”  
  
“What if the soul hasn’t settled? Then what?”  
  
Kakashi glanced down at Kama as she moved so she could look at Naruto. “Your soul will also go and look for your mate as they’re born. But those are the only two times your soul will leave to find them. If your mate hasn’t settled, your soul returns to your side after a while.”  
  
“What does settling mean?”  
  
“It’s when your soul settles on whatever form best suits them.”  
  
His student nodded and smiled. “Like how Kama-sensei is a wolf?”  
  
His hair brushed against his nose as he nodded. He brushed it back and tried to remember when he last trimmed the mess with a kunai. It seemed it was time again. “Exactly.”

“And after they settle?”  
  
“Then, assuming the bond is accepted, you share both your soul animals between you.”  
  
The boy flinched back. “The bond can be denied?”  
  
“Yes, it's not uncommon. Sometimes it has to be if the shinobi are from enemy villages.”

“Why?”  
  
“A shinobi’s loyalty to their village is absolute.”

"But it's your soulmate!" Naruto said with clenched fists and his small frame shivering in anger. Kakashi smiled down at his so-called soulless student who felt everything so strongly he refused to stay silent when he saw something he considered unjust. 

"We won't die without our mate, Naruto. It's not uncommon for couples to not be mated."

"Oh, I see,” Naruto said. He crossed his arms over his chest and nodded once. “That makes sense. If your mate could be an enemy ninja."

"Or killed before they settled," Kakashi said, thinking of his team. "There are many reasons why you might never meet your mate."

Naruto glanced up at him for a second and then went back to ripping up grass and twirling the strands around his fingers. This time it didn’t take long before he looked at his sensei again.  
  
"Sensei…"

"Yes, Naruto?"

"Have you ever met your mate?"

He thought of a boy crushed by Kakashi's failure and a girl killed by Kakashi's hand."No, I haven't."

At that Naruto frowned before shuffling closer and pressing against his side. Kakashi smiled at the attempt to comfort him and he put his arm over Naruto’s shoulder, pulling the boy closer. 

_____

As he told them he had entered them into the Chūnin exam, he took note of their reactions. Sasuke seemed pleased, Sakura was excited and Naruto… Naruto leapt at him and hugged him, shouting out that he loved him. Loved Kakashi. As if he was worthy of it.

_____

It had been impressive in a way for a Chūnin like Umino Iruka to dare to challenge a Jōnin like Kakashi in public in this manner. The man was softer than most, so Kakashi had not expected it at all. No matter how fiercely Umino cared for Naruto. Impressive, but foolhardy. Vulnerable points and attack strategies had flashed before his eyes as he had settled on an emotional rather than a physical attack. The man should know better than to interfere with a Jōnin-sensei.

Kakashi thought back to the Chūnin’s protests now. His genin had been ready for the exam. Their matches in the first round proved it. He had planned for them all to make it to the second round and get some real experience to help them focus on their duties.  
  
There had been no way to plan for Orochimaru and his seal on Sasuke. Or for Sasuke to end up having to fight a crazed Jinchūriki who only rejoiced in the killing. There was nothing but hatred and bloodlust in Gaara of the Sand’s eyes. There would be no mercy for Sasuke if he did not win the fight. 

There was only one thing to do. 

Sasuke seemed pleased at the idea of personalised training for a month. Of course, he would view it less as a way to survive against Gaara and more as a step closer to killing Itachi. 

The boy was impressive in his dedication and improvement. Each day he grew faster, stronger and more observant. The last Uchiha was slowly but surely mastering the sacred technique of his clan and it felt good to be able to offer the orphaned boy a connection to what he had lost. It felt reassuring to see Sasuke grow with leaps and bounds. Maybe this time Kakashi would be able to keep his team alive.  
  
Gaara's defence against Lee had been absolute. Thankfully, Kakashi had a jutsu up his sleeve that was a perfect match for it. 

“This is an assassination jutsu, Sasuke," he warned. "Only use it against someone you are willing to kill.”

Those black eyes look unerringly at him. "Yes, Kakashi."  
  
The hunger in Sasuke’s eyes worried him. But what choice did he have?  
_____

There was a slight chill in the air as the sun rose over the memorial stone. Kakashi stood there, struck silent and leaned on Kama as she was pressing close. 

It had seemed appropriate for Kakashi to spend time in front of the memorial before going to a funeral. Especially this one. It was the day of the Hokage’s funeral, after all, and his relationship with The Professor had been complicated. Once he had wanted the man dead. Once he had hated him for all the ways he had failed to look after the people Kakashi had loved. Still, he had saved the man’s life and served him faithfully as his Anbu for eight years.

“Am I a bad man for resenting him still, sensei?”

The stone was quiet. Kakashi sighed and thought of past mistakes and his eternal regrets. 

“I know that seeking revenge only leads to tragedy. And that harbouring ill will towards anyone only blackens your heart. But, sensei, I still can’t help but think that you could have been alive. Why did you have to perform the seal?”

Minato-sensei’s face flashed before him, proud and excited as he told Kakashi that he was going to be a father.

“You could have been here for Naruto… you should have been. Because I-”

He thought of the love in his sensei’s voice as he asked Kakashi to guard Kushina during her pregnancy. And, implied, after the birth. Through babysitting and training and during dinners. And he was meant to be called Kakashi-nii-san, wasn’t he? Minato and Kushina would have dragged him to dinners and picnics and he was supposed to have known Naruto as a child. He should have been there. 

Kakashi would have been there for the baby, and toddler and boy. For the first words as a flustered Minato would hold the baby and get Naruto to repeat gibberish until one word was barely distinguishable from the happy babble of a baby. For the first steps in Kushina and Minato's living room with the nice couch that Kakashi sometimes had fallen asleep on. His first crush and his first heartbreak. Instead, he got to see a child who had been abandoned and isolated and betrayed by a village who should have looked after him. Kakashi hadn't known what he'd lose.

He thought of training sessions he had taken for granted. The smiles and caring words. The attempted comfort. All things he'd shown disdain to as a foolish prodigy.

It was raining. How fitting. A funeral was going on, after all. Even if Kakashi himself was late to it.

“I am still angry with him, sensei,” he said, heart heavy and mind clouded with should have beens. "But I think I'm mostly angry with myself."

The stone remained quiet.

"I failed Naruto, didn't I? I should have been there, by his side. I read his file. He had no one," Kakashi laughed. "He was lonelier than I and so much stronger. I don't…"

He was interrupted by Kama's approach. She sat down next to him and pressed close. 

"I'm late for the funeral, aren't I?"

She huffed and grinned at him. Amusement and grief sang through their bond.

"Yeah, I thought so. Shall we?"

The sea of black stood still, shinobi unbowing in the face of grief. Their faces were mostly dry because a Shinobi must not cry. The children though, the genin, all cried. Kakashi listened to Umino Iruka comforting Naruto and felt both resentment and gratitude. He still didn't know how to comfort Naruto. He was glad someone did.

_____  
  
For 72 hours he was tortured by his former subordinate. He was stabbed over and over and over. Seconds into minutes into days. He knew nothing but pain. It was _nothing_ compared to the split second his soul was touched by force.

He looked Itachi in the eye and bared his teeth behind his mask.

_____

  
Kakashi woke up to Kama pressing close to him, her great head resting over his heart. The fur underneath his hand felt matted and dull, suggesting they had both been under for a long time. The room he was in smelled like a hospital and he was not restrained. Konoha then. He slid the hand down to the thick on her neck, tugging her closer. She nosed at his neck briefly before laying down again, sighing deeply.

"Welcome back.”

That voice. He had not expected to hear it again. Kakashi glanced over to his left and saw the legendary Tsunade stand there alongside her student Shizune.

"Tsunade-sama?" He tried to sit down and Kama shifted away to give him room, but Tsunade put a hand on his shoulder. And even if he had been at his full strength moving that hand would be more futile than trying to push a mountain. 

"You weren't the easiest to heal, Kakashi," she said before helping him sit up and placed a large pillow behind him. Kama settled down along his legs, head on his lap. Her tail curled around his cold feet. "Don't undo my work."

"Thank you, Tsunade-sama."

"We've healed the damages, but you will need to rest for a few more days," she said, handing him a glass of water he gulped down through his mask. "I'll need to check up on you once a day to see how your body deals with the stress."

"I understand."

“Heh," she smiled as she took the glass back and refilled it once more. "You’re much easier to convince than that loudmouth student of yours.”

Kakashi sniffed the glass since he just now realised it had smelled a bit odd. It smelled of salt, iron and glucose and other nutrients and it was clear that Tsunade had mixed in some salt and vitamins. He took a sip of the water, enjoying how soothing it was against his raw throat. Was that a hint of honey? 

He glanced up at Tsunade again. "You've met Naruto?"

She chuckled and rolled her eyes. "You could say that."

"Jiraiya-sama and Naruto-kun travelled to tell Tsunade-sama about Sandaime-sama's death," said Shizune with a sad smile. "And they told us of Konoha's wish to see her take the seat."

"And you agreed?"

"I lost a bet," said Tsunade as she looked through Kakashi's file. "So now I'm back."

"Congratulations, Hokage-sama," Kakashi said, bowing as best as he could while sitting. "The leaves of Konoha will flourish underneath your leadership."

"Watch the attitude, kid. I could put you on enforced bed rest."

There was a commotion from the corridor outside. 

"Hey, kid!"

"I have to ask granny something!"

Tsunade sighed, heavily. Kakashi caught a glimpse of a fond smile. He glanced over to Shizune with a raised eyebrow. She smirked back. Tsunade glared at them both.

And, with a flash of orange, Uzumaki Naruto was in the room.

"Tsunade-baachan, do you know- oh!" the widest smile he had ever seen broke out on the boy's face. "Kakashi-sensei! Kama-sensei! You're both awake!"

This time it was Tsunade's time to smirk as Naruto bounced up to Kakashi's bed and threw himself down at the bed by his feet, bouncing from the force. Kakashi clutched his side, groaning dramatically as the mattress dipped. Kama huffed at him and rolled her eye. 

"Sensei!" Those blue eyes widened in panic and Naruto clambered off the bed and hid behind Tsunade. "Are you alright?"

Shizune hid a giggle behind the pile of folders she was carrying. 

Kakashi looked up at the ceiling in despair and sighed, seeing the fur on Kama's head ruffle from it."What sin did I commit in a past life to deserve such an incorrigible student?"

Naruto's eyes narrowed and his nose scrunched up in suspicion. Kakashi smiled at the sight; the whiskers made him look remarkably cat-like. The boy walked up to Kakashi's bed again and sat down, carefully, on the mattress. Kakashi smiled approvingly at his well-meaning, if over-eager, student. 

"Now, it seems like you have quite the story to tell, Naruto."

It was clear that Naruto couldn't help but smile back.

_____

Sasuke glared at him. This was nothing unusual since the last Uchiha had never appreciated Kakashi's puns or general tardiness. Next to him, his ocelot was hissing and baring her fangs. This was less common. 

Then again, he had never restrained Sasuke to talk some sense into him. He sent a stray thought to Minato-sensei and apologised for his bratty behaviour as a young genin. And Chūnin. He winced, and Jōnin if he was honest. 

A clock was ticking. He could feel it. Kakashi had thought it had stopped during their preparation for the Chūnin exams. Sasuke had seemed settled and calmer once regular training resumed and he had time to process what had happened in Wave. If he hadn't, Kakashi would never have taught him the Chidori and simply pulled him out of the exam instead. Still, he had honestly believed that being forced to work with his team again would serve as a calming influence. 

The scene from the hospital roof - a girl about to be impaled by a lightning covered hand, the sounds of shrieking birds in the air, the smell of fear and panic - told him otherwise. The look in Sasuke’s eyes was familiar. He had seen it in the mirror. In the men and women under his command. Those who kept it ended up dead. Or worse.

_____

Both Kama and Pakkun whined as they approached Naruto’s crumpled body on the ground. The wound on his chest was a gaping hole. Kakashi could see the ribs even at a distance, glinting white through the gory mess.

Kama howled next to him. Kakashi grew cold. He knew exactly what jutsu would result in such a wound. He pressed on.

_Don’t be too late now. You cannot be too late._

He landed next to his student and looked at the tiny, fluttering thing beating-beating-beating furiously next to the shards of bone piercing into it. So very vulnerable in the open, so very stubborn.

  
  



	3. My soul is stitched together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3 - Kakashi, ages 27 to 30, was definitely one to dwell on past mistakes. Failing his students was just the latest one. He had not been ready. Thankfully, life sometimes offers second chances. In more than one way, as he'll find out. You just have to be willing to fight for them. And who was more ready to pick a fight for what's right than Naruto?

_Kakashi, age 27_

Kakashi had been too late. Again. It had cost him his team. Again. His ghosts crowded around him, whispering in the night.

Sasuke was gone and so was his ocelot. Sakura and her honey badger were gone, training with someone better for her. And Naruto was gone and would be gone for years. Gone with a clap on his shoulder and an "I'll look after him from now on" from Jiraiya-sama. 

Because Kakashi was not strong enough to keep his sensei's son safe. It didn't matter that his wolf stayed close to the little knucklehead when Kakashi left the village on a mission, it didn't matter that training them had been the best thing to happen to him in years. He did not deserve students like them. He had not been good enough. He had failed both the village and his comrades. What sort of scum did that make him?

Konoha grew more silent and the quiet screamed about what was missing. Naruto was always so loud and bright that his absence made the echoes last longer. He knew they'll last until his former student was back in Konoha. 

"Your energetic student is brimming with the springtime of youth, rival," Gai said, downing his sake. "He's inspired all of my students to train even harder."

"Naruto is no longer my student," Kakashi said, twirling the liquid in his glass and trying not to think about why he had time to drink in bars now.

"But he was yours,” his rival said, clasping his shoulder in a grip that almost hurt. “You can be proud, Kakashi. Few will ever have a student like him. And look at young Sakura and how she is blossoming."

Kakashi shook his head and downed his drink before pouring another. "I'm not sure that was my doing."

_____

 _Kakashi, age 29_  
  
He stood in the Hokage office and tried his best not to let his left arm brush against his side at all while making the lack of movement look natural. Tsunade was sitting behind her desk, an eyebrow raised knowingly. If he let his injury show she would demand that he go to the hospital or assign bed rest. Rest was an excellent way to invite old ghosts to visit. Kakashi wanted to leave the too quiet Konoha again and do something useful for the village. He was of no use to anyone just resting, not when his mind could not stay quiet.

“Kakashi, I have been a medic for longer than you have been born,” his Hokage said, entirely unimpressed by his attempt to conceal his injury. “Either check yourself into the hospital right now, or I heal you right here and now and have you off the active roster for a week.”  
  
He sighed. “Very well, here and now."  
  
She laughed and gestured with her hand for him to come closer. “One day you’ll get over your hatred of hospitals.”  
  
Kakashi crossed his arms and leaned against her desk, smiling and making sure it crinkled his eye in the way he knew annoyed her. “One day you’ll get over your hatred of paperwork.”  
  
Tsunade glared at him. “Watch it, or I’ll _ensure_ you need a hospital visit.”

A knock on the door interrupted them. Kakashi breathed in through his nose and knew it was Sakura. She still used the same shampoo as Kakashi used for Pakkun’s fur, to Pakkun’s great delight.  
  
“Tsunade-shishō,” Sakura said, as the door swung open. “I have the paperwork.”  
  
Tsunade groaned. Kakashi smiled and turned around to face his former student. She was entirely alone, her honey badger nowhere to be found. “Hello, Sakura.”  
  
“Kakashi-sensei!” Sakura said, sounding relieved. “Welcome back. How was the mission?”  
  
He had been a day late. Kakashi had forgotten about that until he saw his former student relax at the sight of him.  
  
“Oh, you know,” he drawled and slouched in place, pulling out his Icha Icha. Sakura’s smile grew fond. “Same old, same old.”  
  
“Another S-rank?”  
  
“Yes, and your old sensei got seriously injured on this one,” Tsunade interjected, leaning back with a smirk when Kakashi narrowed his eye at his Hokage’s smirk. Sakura didn’t need to know just how close to death he had been. “Why don’t you heal him, Sakura?”  
  
Sakura went pale. “Sensei?”  
  
“It’s just a scratch, Sakura.”  
  
“Of course it is, Hatake,” Tsunade said, still smirking as she turned to her youngest student. “Heal him.”  
  
Sakura glanced over to Kakashi and he gave a slight nod. While he hadn’t been in the village a lot recently, Tsunade kept him updated and he knew her training had progressed tremendously these last two years. This would also not be the first time she used him as a test subject for a new healing jutsu.

Kakashi shrugged off his vest and lifted his shirt to give Sakura access to the wound. He had already stitched up the wound after dispatching the enemies, but it was still sore.

"Stitches!"

Kakashi looked down at his side. He thought he had done a neat job considering. "Are they that bad?"

"There's at least forty of them! That's hardly a scratch." Sakura huffed and started cutting away the stitches with a kunai as she healed the injury with the other hand. As soon as the stitches were gone she dropped the kunai and gripped his sleeve to reveal a bloodied bandage around his wrist. 

He smiled at her indignant face. It looked a lot like how she would glare at him alongside Naruto whenever he was late. He reached up with his uninjured arm to ruffle her hair. She allowed the touch without any of the fuss she used to kick up back when her hair was a lot less practical. Kakashi had never understood the importance of keeping one's hair looking neat. 

"Maa, Sakura, I treated the wound so I wasn't bleeding out. That makes it a scratch."

She rolled her eyes. 

Tsunade, in the background, did the same. "Jōnin, children the lot of you."

Sakura unwrapped the bandage and proceeded to heal that injury too. Kakashi looked on, pleased with her progress. The first time she had healed him after a mission it had taken much longer despite being a far shallower cut. 

"Well done, Sakura, you've improved a lot."

Her cheeks flushed a bit at the praise and she smiled, proud. "Thanks, sensei."

"Speaking of improvement, I heard you made Chūnin. Congratulations."

Sakura's smile grew wider. “You can congratulate me by buying me lunch, sensei.”  
  
Kakashi nodded. “Sounds fair, you can tell me all about it. Where do you want to eat?”  
  
The smile grew wistful. “How about Ichiraku? I kinda miss it.”  
  
“That sounds… that sounds good.”

_____

_Kakashi, age 30_

The latest mission he had completed suggested a need for a second long term infiltration mission out of the village well matched to Kakashi’s skills. And Gai always wanted to spar before Kakashi left Konoha for months on end.

Kama got up from her lazy sprawl in the shade next to the training ground and scented the air. Excitement sang in their bond and Kakashi dodged Gai’s roundhouse kick by reflex more than anything else as he glanced over at his soul. 

Kakashi blocked the follow-up blow and jumped away, creating some distance. Gai stopped as well, observing him.

"Rival?"

Kakashi focused on Kama and noticed how she stood at attention, ears perked up. She looked unerringly towards the main gates of Konoha. Her tail wagging and their link singing with her contentment.

"I believe I need to get going, Gai,” he said, eager to get away. “Rematch tomorrow?"

Gai looked over at the huge wolf as well and perked up much in the same way as she had done.

"Of course! I see that I need to go to my own students. They'll want training! Much like yours, eh, rival?"

_Students. His._

He did not know if they would still call him sensei. They've been away from underneath his failed leadership for longer than he had ever had them. 

He ran. Jumped into the trees and leapt from branch to branch. His wolf ran next to him, keeping pace and increasing it. Kakashi followed. As one they jumped from trees to walls to rooftops. As they ran, they saw ninjas around him with smiles on their faces, leaning close to each other and gossiping. A whisper grew like a wildfire and the smiles spread with it. 

He saw the tall toad sage behind a girl of pink and a boy of orange and gold from a distance.

Kakashi was about to walk up to them when he spotted an ANBU in the corner of his eyes. They flashed a quick sign. _Summon._ And he knew he had to go. A mission was waiting for him. He sighed and leapt onto a nearby rooftop. Kama whined but followed closely after.

His Hokage looked at him as he crouched on the windowsill. There was an opened letter in her hand. She smiled. He couldn't help but smile back.

"Sorry, Kakashi. The S-rank infiltration mission will go to someone else."

"I hope I may serve my village in another way, Hokage-sama."

"As you already know, Naruto's back. You will test him and Sakura tomorrow. Dismissed."

No mission. He bowed in gratitude and Tsunade raised a knowing eyebrow. She waved him off with a smirk.

He jumped out of the window to annoy her and sat down nearby and pulled out an Icha Icha, but being unable to focus on the pages. Waiting for the scent and voice and sheer presence of the boy that had been gone too long. His wolf lay down behind him, curled around and placed her head in his lap. He stroked the fur absentmindedly as he did his best to read.

It was not long before he smelled them both. Then he heard voices. Naruto's voice was deeper, but the tone and cadence were reassuringly familiar. 

He listened with one ear until the voices stopped and he heard Naruto walking up to the open window. Kakashi looked up with a casual wave as he heard his name.

He observed the changes in Naruto and catalogued them, but he was mostly distracted by the blinding smile that had broken out when Naruto saw him.

"Kakashi-sensei! You haven't changed a bit."

 _Sensei._ And Naruto was as bright and loud as he had remembered. He leapt over to Kakashi and smiled at both his sensei and the wolf that raised her head and huffed at him in greeting. 

"Hello, Kama-sensei! Your fur is as glossy as always!"

Next to Kakashi’s side, Kama's tail wagged back and forth over the roof tiles. She radiated contentment across their bond. 

Naruto moved closer still while rummaging in a pouch at his back and Kakashi sniffed the air to memorise the altered scent. He would have to summon the pack soon so they could get reacquainted with both of his students again.

_____

The Kazekage was dead. They had been too late. 

Chiyo stared at Naruto’s tears. Kakashi could understand her surprise. A Konoha shinobi crying over a Suna one was a rare thing to see. Nevermind that it was Naruto and Gaara, she could not understand their bond. Neither could Kakashi, but he had heard of letters sent and stories shared and his grief was for Naruto’s sake. 

Maybe she remembered what Kakashi told her. Maybe she was brought to a heel by Naruto’s soul-crushingly unabashed sadness. There was something about her that reminded Kakashi of an old demon who had loved a loyal tool.

As she performed her jutsu Kakashi was not surprised to see Naruto be willing to help in whatever way, possible or impossible. He was surprised to see a tanuki appearing next to Gaara as the young man took his first breath in hours.

Naruto and Gaara both smiled at the beautiful creature as it pressed close to both its human and its rescuer. 

On their way back he asked Naruto about Gaara’s soul only to have the boy shrug. “Apparently his soul was never destroyed, just sealed away. Behind the lock with the One Tails. Which was part of why he was so affected by the beast.” 

_____

There were few things Kakashi detested more than being stuck in a hospital bed. Especially as his team were out there on missions without him. Then again, for now, they were not his team. Instead, they were under his old subordinate. He could only hope that Tenzō was prepared to handle them.

His reading was interrupted by his old kohai entering his hospital room, looking exhausted. Kakashi raised an eyebrow and put his book down with a mournful sigh. It had just started to get good.

"We ran into Orochimaru," said Tenzō while rubbing his neck. "Naruto fought him."

Kakashi glanced over to his subordinate and saw that the man was relaxed, albeit concerned. Nothing too major then. He sighed. "How many tails?"

"Four," said Tenzō and sat down on the hospital bed next to Kakashi's. "I managed to contain him as he was transformed. When he turned back all of his skin was burnt off. He still smiled."

"Maa, typical Naruto."

Tenzō looked at his clasped hands. “He’s very... bright.”  
  
Seeing the other man’s discomfort, Kakashi pulled out his book again and continued his reading. Riko-chan was just about to learn Botan’s secret and even if he had read the scene dozens of times it was still fascinating. 

When Tenzō looked up again, Kakashi nodded and hummed.  
  
“And here I thought the soulless would be without emotions,” Tenzō continued, smiling.  
  
“Mm.”  
  
"He's more emotional than most of us," Tenzō said, shaking his head with a wry smile. “He’s not soulless, is he?”  
  
“No.”  
  
Tenzō laughed.  
  
Kakashi glanced up at that. “What is it, Tenzō?”  
  
“Imagine him in ANBU," said Tenzō, with laughter still in his voice. "Or better yet, Root."

Kakashi imagined Naruto in that elite force, sent to the darkest places and ordered to commit atrocities in the name of their village. That smile slowly turning empty and dead.

"Over my dead body."

"I agree," Tenzō said, a stubborn certainty in his voice that reminded Kakashi of old missions together. "He's too good for it. But imagine his response to the way of Root."

"He'd laugh in the commander's face and then save everyone through sheer bloody stubbornness. Actually, he'd probably inspire everyone to save themselves."

"Yeah… I'm starting to see that."

Kakashi glanced up at the softness in his subordinate's voice and caught a hint of a wistful smile before Tenzō composed himself again.

____ 

An extended hospital time did give you a lot of free time. The fact that Kakashi had never done well under forced rest hardly mattered. Thankfully, as he got out he still had a team to lead.

It was an interesting team, at that. Sai seemed like an odd fit and would come across as a replacement to Sasuke to both Sakura and Naruto. It was natural that they would compare him to their former comrade and find him lacking. In the same way, Tenzō had told Kakashi that he had met some resistance at the start, but that they had been willing enough to follow orders. The fact that he behaved and looked differently to Kakashi might have worked in his favour.

A few days after Kakashi was released, they all met up at Ichiraku for team dinner. They needed some bonding time. According to a book that Sai was reading, it was important to ask questions about your friends to get to know them. Something about the importance of fewer barriers between you in intimate friendships. Personally, Kakashi found it to be a good thing that Sai did his best to integrate with the normal Shinobi corps after a long stint in Root. It was obvious that he tried with his whole bruised and confused heart to understand others. It was equally clear that he did not understand that certain questions were best left unasked. 

Today they had narrowly managed to prevent large scale destruction by Naruto throwing a hand over Sai's mouth as he'd started to ask about Sakura's bust size and lacking womanly wiles. A term he must have read about recently, Kakashi assumed. Naruto glared at Sai until the sound of muffled mumbling stopped. Then he removed his hand and commented on Sai's lacking tact and sense of people's emotions.

"Interesting that you should talk about tact and emotions, Naruto," Sai said from his chair furthest to the right. Kakashi signalled Sakura that she should gag the fool this time since she was sitting between Naruto and Sai. But she was frozen in shock. "Given that you have no soul. What is that like? I've been curious."

Everyone went still. Tenzō dropped his noodles down into his bowl and the broth splashed on his vest, but he didn't seem to care. Sakura winced but glanced over at Naruto, curious. Kakashi sighed and prepared to wrestle Naruto into submission if he attempted to lunge at Sai. While the question was deeply insensitive, he had been enjoying the relative peace of the team starting to get along and didn't want to pay for the damages if an all-out brawl broke out. 

But Naruto _smiled._ He slurped down his remaining bowl of ramen. Then he patted his belly with a contented smile, signalled Teuchi for a second bowl and glanced over at Sai. 

"No one has ever asked me that before, y’know."

"Probably because it is a personal question,” Sai said, pulling out a book from his weapon pouch and opening it to the relevant chapter. “I read that it is unwise to pry into the personal affairs of others unless you are close with the person. And you are my best friend so I wished to know."

Naruto laughed and leaned over to give Sai a light punch to his side. "Of course you did, bastard."

Sai looked down at the spot over his ribs and seemed to process the fact that it was not a strike meant to harm. Then he smiled. "So? What is it like?”'

“Honestly?”  
  
Sai nodded. “I would not ask if I did not wish to know.”  
  
“It’s not like I know any different, right?” Naruto said, looking down at the counter in front of him. “I never had a soul. I used to ask people in the orphanage about the animals every other kid had. No one ever answered. They kinda avoided me, to be honest. Heh, I used to be so angry. Once I had my own place, I’d ask the old man, but he never told me anything. He’d avoid the question of why I didn’t have parents or a soul.”  
  
Kakashi froze. He dearly wanted to ask just what Sandaime had told Naruto about his parents. Still, this was not the time for that conversation. Would it ever be the time? At some point, he had to tell Naruto the truth.  
  
“I wasn’t told anything until that bastard Mizuki tricked me.”  
  
“Mizuki-sensei?" Sakura asked. 

"An academy instructor?” Sai asked with a slight frown on his pale face.  
  
“Yeah, the bastard,” Naruto said, nodding. He laughed and rubbed the back of his head. “He tricked me into stealing the Scroll of Sealing. So I snuck in, used my awesome sexy jutsu on the old man and knocked him out cold.”  
  
“It’s disturbing that it’d work on such an old man,” Sakura said, rolling her eyes.  
  
“It’s a powerful technique, Sakura-chan!”

“I’m not even gonna comment on that at this point,” she said, and grabbed another bite of her food.  
  
“It is indeed concerning that our previous Hokage could be distracted by such a simpleminded technique, but that is irrelevant now," Sai cut in with an empty smile. "What happened after you were stupid enough to steal the scroll and fortunate enough to be able to pull it off?”  
  
Naruto glared, but with a nudge from Kakashi he settled down. “I had some hours to learn the technique. Then Iruka-sensei showed up to tell me Mizuki was a traitor and had tricked me. Told me not to give him the scroll. Then Mizuki showed up and tried to get me to give him the scroll.”  
  
“Mizuki can’t have been a very good ninja if he had a stupid kid try and steal the scroll rather than doing it himself.”  
  
“You’re not wrong, bastard,” Naruto said with a grin.  
  
Sai cocked his head. “Then what happened, Naruto?”  
  
“Mizuki told me the truth. The rule about me. Why everyone hated me. ‘ _The rule is that nobody is allowed to talk about the fact that you are the demon fox. The fox spirit that killed Iruka’s parents and destroyed our village has taken over your body! You are the nine-tails fox! That’s why you have no soul!’._ It’s kinda funny, isn't it? How I owe that traitor thanks for at least telling me something.”

“So that’s why we never saw Mizuki-sensei again,” Sakura murmured.  
  
“Mizuki got arrested for high treason that evening and was sent to a high-security prison,” Tenzō said. “My ANBU unit handled the arrest.”  
  
“Thanks for that, Yamato-san!” Teuchi said with a bow and a smile to the flustered Tenzō, before handing Naruto his new bowl. “He was not a good man. I remember that evening well.”  
  
“Naruto did most of the job for us,” Tenzō said, smiling back at the old man. Then he turned to Naruto. “Was that really a thousand clones, Naruto?”  
  
Naruto put down his now empty bowl with a satisfied sigh before nodding at Tenzō. “He’d really pissed me off. Tried to kill Iruka-sensei!”  
  
“Understandable," Tenzō said, barely contained laughter in his voice.

“Only you would be immature enough to graduate because you managed to sneak into the Hokage’s secret storage room, incapacitate him, learn an S-ranked jutsu and defeat a traitor to the village and show that you had the chakra required to summon a thousand clones,” Sai said, listing the accomplishments on his hand. “And still not be promoted to Chūnin instantly.”  
  
Naruto stuck out his tongue at Sai. “There’s the exam, isn’t there?”  
  
“There are field promotions,” Kakashi said, to cut off Sai before he said anything more. “I got my first promotion to Chūnin after a mission that went wrong.”  
  
“Your first, Kakashi-sensei?” Sakura asked. “How old were you?”  
  
“Hmm, I’d just turned six,” Kakashi said, thinking back to one of the missions he had gone on with Minato-sensei. It had gotten too messy, too quickly and he’d ended up having to kill for his first time. “Then I did the exams again with my teammates once they were judged to be ready. Field promotions were more common during the war. We needed the manpower. In peacetime, the village is more unwilling to send out newly graduated Shinobi without a Jōnin supervising.”

Naruto looked at him with a scrunched up nose. “If you made Chūnin at six, when did you graduate from the academy?”  
  
“At five, after a year.”  
  
“That’s amazing, sensei!” Naruto said, at the same time as Sakura rolled her eyes and muttered something about child development and no socialisation, but he kept talking right over her. “That’s so young.”  
  
“Too young, probably,” Kakashi said, making Sakura grin in satisfaction. “I believe it’s better to wait with promotion to Chūnin until their sensei recommends them for the exam.”  
  
“You’d been a horrible team leader at 12, Naruto,” Sakura said.  
  
“You’d be horrible at it now, dickless,” Sai mused, smiling with his eyes closed.  
  
“Why you-”  
  
Sai patted Naruto on the shoulder in what was, most likely, supposed to be a comforting gesture. “Frankly, you’re too emotional and reckless for Chūnin. You’d always charge headfirst into danger to save your comrades. You care too much. ROOT members are trained to act as if they have no souls. And you have the most soul and emotion in any ninja I’ve ever seen."

Naruto’s look of anger melted into a smile. A soft, fond one. He reached out and pulled Sai into a hug. Sai looked stunned but pleased by the reaction.  
_____

Kakashi’s reading was punctuated by hundreds of strained exclamations and curses. He would glance over at his student and his army of clones every so often and smile at the laser-sharp focus on all of their faces.

Tenzō sat next to him, just as focused. Really, this training looked to be an excellent way to train Naruto in nature manipulation and to make him more comfortable with Tenzō. While Kakashi had no intention to give up his team again, it would be good to have someone else he trusted to look after them. 

He saw as one clone cut away from the rest and ran off into the distance. Knowing Naruto it was to ask for help from someone else. The young man had never hesitated to ask for help when he needed it. It was a good quality in a Shinobi.

He glanced down at his former kōhai.  
  
“How are you doing, Tenzō?”  
  
“I’m fine, senpai,” he replied, smiling. There was sweat on his brow, but he didn’t look drained yet. “It’s difficult, yes, but it’s good.”  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
Tenzō shook his head to get rid of the sweat running into his eyes. “You know as well as I do that I got moved out of Root to the normal ANBU forces to be closer to the Hokage in case Naruto snapped and had to be stopped.”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“I was created for that purpose,” Tenzō continued, with an empty smile that reminded Kakashi of Sai. “To restrain the Kyūbi. I’d always thought it meant that I’d have to kill the Jinchūriki at some point. It was easier to imagine it before I met Naruto. Now… It’s a relief to use it to help him grow instead.”  
  
“I understand that very well, Tenzō.”  
  
The former ROOT agent looked at him in understanding. “Your Sharingan?”  
  
“Mm, it was always a possibility.”  
  
“We’re fortunate in many ways that Naruto grows stronger every day,” Tenzō murmured. “And that he’ll carry the burden himself. Though with us there to support him, right senpai?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
They looked at the sea of orange and black and sweaty blond locks in silence. Then there was a ripple throughout the crowd. Had Naruto gotten the information he needed?  
  
An exclamation. Then hundreds more. And then leaves split in half danced in the wind. Naruto shouted in joy and started to topple. With a quick burst of speed, Kakashi was there to catch him.  
_____  
  
Jiraiya was dead ( _dead, gone, missing_ ).

Kakashi could still hardly believe it. It had felt more real after Naruto's harsh reaction towards his Tsunade-baa-chan. He would never say anything like that unless he had cause to be so sad. 

Still, Jiraiya had always been there. Either through his sheer presence or his whispered words in his books. 

Kakashi was on his way to the memorial stone when he saw Naruto on a bench. He could smell the tears from where he was standing. He stood still, uncertain. While he wanted to offer Naruto comfort, he had never been good at it. His words were too blunt, too cold, after so many years of active duty. 

Then again, Naruto didn't always need words to understand. Maybe Kakashi’s presence would help him. It would, at the very least, be something he could do. 

Mind made up, he was about to announce himself as he saw Umino Iruka kneel in front of Naruto and take his hand in his. Kakashi smiled, a pang in his heart, and knew that the Chunin would be much better at consoling Naruto than he ever would. He let the two be and Shunshin’d away. 

____  
  


One by one, shinobi of the Leaf died because they refused to betray Naruto. What a dramatic change in just a few years. 

Kakashi died because he was willing to do whatever to help Naruto. It was not a dramatic change in a man who had existed in the limbo between the dead and living for over a decade.

The pain was gone. Here, there was only peace. He opened his eyes, expecting the Pure Lands to greet him. Instead, he saw a campfire in the night. And next to it, illuminated by the flickering flames, was a silhouette he had not seen in decades, but still knew.

“So this is where you’ve been, Father.”  
  
“Hello Kakashi,” Hatake Sakumo said. “Want to tell me your story?”

“It’s a bit of a long one.”  
  
“That’s fine.”

And so he spoke to the flickering flames and his father.

There was a light. A sensation of being grabbed in his very soul, but not harshly. It was a nudge, an insistent pull. Someone telling him to get going or he’d be late. 

“This is…”  
  
“It looks like it’s not your time just yet,” his father said, looking relieved. “You must still have things to take care of.”

“Father…”  
  
“I’m glad I got to speak with you. Thank you for forgiving me. I can move on now. I’ll finally get to see your mother.”

His consciousness was rushing through the aether and he felt Kama brush against his very being, joy and relief and a reunion. And then, from a distance, from the Pure Lands were his father now was after finally moving on.  
  
“I guess you’ll get your second chance to live without regret. The dead do not end up in limbo unless they have regrets, son. Live long, and live happily, Kakashi.”  
  
Death had felt like falling asleep. A numbing of all pain, a sensation of falling and fading. Being brought back to life was like falling upwards into ice-cold water that burrowed into his heart and jolted it awake. He awoke, gasping. He had no idea how long time had passed. How long had he sat in front of the campfire, talking with his father? There had been time to go over everything after his father’s suicide, all the many lows and the few highs. Though no one knew how time passed in the realm of the dead. It could have been seconds or years for all he knew. He opened his eyes and stared up at the clear blue sky.  
  
He sat up, feeling numb, but without the horrible weakness of chakra exhaustion. Which he had died from. He had used up his very last of his chakra, he had been dead and gone and in Limbo. Why was he back?  
  
There was a sharp pain from his rib cage and breathing hurt. It felt like his ribs kept scratching against his lungs.  
  
His mind screamed at him because he had been gone and dead and now he was not. His heart pumped sluggishly in his body, his blood seemed to crawl through his veins and his limbs tingled as what had been cool, he had been dead and gone, was jolted alive by a heart that sang in his chest.  
  
Kakashi felt Kama by his side. She whined and pressed close. It wasn’t until he felt her fur in his shaking grip that he realised that he was alive again. He shivered as his body slowly returned to a normal temperature. Because he had been dead, his heart had stopped beating. Blood had pooled down by gravity. Pallor mortis, then algor mortis. Had he been dead for long enough for rigor mortis to occur? Was his skin patchy as a corpse would be after livor mortis had gone on for long enough? He flexed his fingers and stared at them, they were a normal colour. It seemed safe to assume he had not been dead long enough for putrefaction and decay to start.

“Kakashi too, huh?”  
  
That was Chōza’s voice.  
  
Someone was crying next to him. It barely registered through the fog in his head. The blood rushing through him was deafening. The flickering fire he had sat by was fading away in his mind and something in him longed to be back. There had been no pain there. Just warmth and certainty.

Kakashi stared ahead, looking at nothing. “I’m...”  
  
“I’ll explain everything.”  
  
Kakashi blinked. Then he turned around, marvelling at how his spine twisted and muscles moved because wasn’t that a glorious thing he could never take for granted, and looked down on the ground and saw a part of Katsuyu approaching them.

“Katsuyu-sama, what happened?”  
  
“Naruto-kun defeated all the Pains.”

Naruto. Uzumaki Naruto. His student. With the big heart and blue eyes and the lonely life who would have returned to find his village decimated. Naruto whose loud, bright presence was missing. Where was he? Kakashi looked around, but saw no orange and heard no booming voice.

“What happened?” Chōza asked. “Why are we all alive?””  
  
“Everyone was brought back to life,” the slug replied. “Thanks to Naruto-kun. After Naruto-kun defeated the Six Paths of Pain he went to talk to the enemy. Nagato-san used a jutsu to bring everyone back.”

And Kakashi stilled, breathless, as he remembered a jutsu used on a young, lonely boy and a willing sacrifice. Death was not easily reversible and if anyone had enough life in them to give to an entire village it would be Naruto. Naruto who would rush straight ahead and damn the consequences if he could protect his precious people. Naruto who was not there.  
  
Chōza shifted, about to ask another question, but Kakashi cut him off to ask a far more important one.  
  
“Is Naruto alright?”  
  
“Yes,” the snail’s head bobbed in an approximation of a nod. “He is alive and well. Nagato-san gave his own life, willingly.”

Kakashi breathed, thankful for how his mask filtered out the dust that still lingered in the air, and checked himself over for injuries. He had been crushed by rubble, and he was suspecting that his left leg was broken. Besides a few cracked ribs, some broken bones, his internal organs being where they shouldn't be, feeling bruised all over and having a killer headache he felt fine.  
  
“What happened in Pain’s lair, Katsuyu-sama?”  
  
“Naruto-kun and Nagato-san talked about pain and suffering and the lessons that Jiraiya-sama had instilled in them both. Nagato-san asked Naruto-kun how he would stop all suffering in the world. Naruto-kun said he did not know, but that since it was something his master had asked of him, he would solve the problem no matter what. And never give up.”  
  
Kakashi smiled. That did sound like Naruto.  
  
“After their conversation, Nagato-san decided to put his faith in Naruto-kun. So he gave his life to revive everyone he had killed, sacrificing himself in the process. Naruto-kun is currently talking about the future of the Hidden Rain with Konan-san."

"I see," Chōza said, looking at Kakashi. "That Naruto, huh?"

Kakashi nodded. That Naruto, indeed.

The wind changed direction and the breeze carried the scent of pine trees and sweat. Kakashi looked up to see Tenzō approach in a hurry.

"Kakashi-senpai, what happened? I saw that eight tails manifested."

"Maa, eight tails? I wouldn't know. I was dead at that point."

Tenzō went still. Then he looked around them, taking in the destruction and the sobs of relief from people all around him. Kakashi looked around as well and did not know how to feel when he saw people staring blankly into the air as their loved one clutched close what had been lost to them. 

"Dead?"

"Pain killed hundreds, Yamato-san, if not thousands," Chōji said, scrubbing at his face to remove any remaining traces of his tears and snot. "But Naruto went and talked to the enemy."

Tenzō sank down to the ground. "What?"

"Nagato-san had the power over life and death through his Rinnegan," Katsuyu-sama said. "He restored everyone's souls from the Pure Lands."

Kakashi took a deep breath through his nose, ignoring the sharp pain in his lungs as they expanded, to scent the air and smelled blood from hundreds of people. 

"Yamato, we need shelters for the injured. Do you have it in you?"

"Yes, of course."

Clasped hands and a few muttered words and a large building was erected next to them with a loud rumbling. Kakashi looked at it, pleased with it being the tallest structure around all the rubble. It would serve as a shelter and a beacon.

As soon as Tenzō had made a few more buildings and the dust had, the first few injured people were approaching the shelters. Tenzō turned to Katsuyu-sama. "Now, what happened?"

And the snail told them of Naruto arriving to fight Pain in Tsunade's stead. Of a fierce fight, huge toads summoned by Naruto and then Paths falling to Naruto's might. Then a defeat, being pinned down and then Hinata's arrival. Her confession and subsequent fall. The anger. The fire. Naruto losing it. After his master, his sensei and now his friend right in front of his eyes. 

While she was telling the story, more and more people showed up and listened. There was Gai and his team, Kurenai and hers, both generations of Ino-Shika-Cho and the gaping hole of Asuma's missing presence. Sakura and Sai showed up together with Ebisu and Konohamaru. 

They sat down and listened. Sakura came over to his side and summoned chakra to her hands.

"You should focus on others, Sakura," Kakashi said and did his best not to move any limbs. "I'm fine."

Sakura rolled her eyes and ran her chakra covered hands over him, moving his organs back to where they were supposed to be and healing any internal bleeding. Kakashi shifted a bit, because feeling blood pool together and slowly move back into arteries and veins felt much like being tickled on the inside. If significantly more painful.

His student muttered softly about stupid, noble senseis who shouldn't martyr themselves when they still have students who needed them. Kakashi opened his mouth to say that they didn't need him anymore, just look at how bright they both shone and how far they'd come, but Sakura glared and started healing his legs. Kakashi winced at the itching sensation of bone knitting together and decided to keep quiet.

"You got to be there when Naruto makes Hokage, sensei," she whispered on an exhale, careful not to drown out Katsuyu-sama's account of the fight after the eight tails burst out.

"I don't-" he started saying, but was cut off with a groan as Sakura did something at the base of his neck which removed the crippling nausea and headache. “I’m not needed.”

The green glow of his student's chakra cast her glare in stark relief. "You know he'll need you as an advisor."

Kakashi chuckled and shook his head. Naruto would have Shikamaru by his side. He was about to say it as Iruka-sensei joined the group and looked to Katsuyu-sama.

"Thank you for healing us and restoring our chakra, Katsuyu-sama," he said, bowing. "And for telling the village what Naruto did. Where is he now?”  
  
“He is on his way back now, but he will need help getting home.”

Sakura looked away from where she had now moved on to heal the small cuts and bruises Kakashi had gotten from being caught in the rubble. “Is he hurt?”  
  
“All his injuries have been healed,” Katsuyu said. “But he is exhausted. He will not make it back without help.”  
  
Kakashi looked at the blue, blue sky and smiled. “Then I’ll have to go and collect my wayward student, don’t I?”  
  
“Kakashi, let someone else do it!" Chōza said, moving towards him as if to restrain him. "You need to rest.”  
  
Kakashi imagined Naruto, lonely on his way back after saving them all, crumpling to the ground in exhaustion. 

“Maa, what sort of sensei would I be if I didn’t help my own student?” he said, dodging the grasping hand. "Besides, Sakura has healed me."

He got up, shrugged off Sakura’s hands with a smile of thanks and stood up. His legs were a bit shaky, but they held his weight. He bent down and picked up his hitai-ate from where it lay on the ground nearby and brushed off the dust and grime. He tied it and tugged it down over his Sharingan. Then he ignored the concerned exclamations from his comrades and started running. Naruto needed him and Kakashi would be there to support him.

One foot in front of the other, jumping up and leaping from pile to pile. Kama followed close on his heel. Below them, civilians and ninja alike started whispering about Naruto. For once the name was spoken with reverence and alongside words like miracle and hero. Kakashi smiled and thought of a boy who had loudly proclaimed that he would make people acknowledge him.

They leapt over the wall and entered the forest, guided by the mental image given to him by Katsuya. North by northeast. One kilometre, then head east from the old crooked, uprooted tree.  
  
Thanks to Sakura healing him he felt refreshed. His heart pumped around blood freely and he could breathe without pain. It had been a good thing that she healed him, having to run to Naruto while injured would have made the guy worry if Kakashi had collapsed as soon as he got to his student.

There, the scent of summer rain, miso and blood. Kakashi and Kama stopped at the same time on the same branch and looked around, scenting the air. Four leaps later and he saw the familiar form dressed in orange and black. Naruto was dragging his feet, looking exhausted and weary. It felt wrong to see him look so defeated.

Kakashi hesitated for a moment. He did not know what to tell him. _Thank you, you saved us all. You are the brightest flame in the Land of Fire and that's why I know you will surpass all the Hokage who came before you. You did it, Naruto, everyone sees you know. Everyone will love you._

Kakashi was just about to call his name when Naruto took one last, fumbling step and stumbled. 

As Naruto fell, Kakashi smiled. This part he had done before. This part he knew and was familiar with. He shifted his foot and a split second later he appeared in front of Naruto. Bending his knees he cushioned Naruto's fall against his back like he’d done dozens of times already. 

"You did good," Kakashi said, grabbing Naruto's legs and helping him up.

Naruto said nothing for a second. Then Kakashi felt a shaky exhale against the back of his neck.

"Kakashi-sensei," Naruto murmured, sounding relieved. Kama landed next to them and butted her head against Naruto's leg, tail wagging. "Kama-sensei."

"Just rest on me," he said, throat closing against all the things he wanted to say. 

There were things left unspoken, but now they would have time to talk about them later. Kakashi had gotten a second chance to always be there when Naruto needed him. He did not intend to waste it.

Anyway, it seemed like Naruto heard some of it, or maybe it was that the unspoken words did not matter in the grand scheme of things. Because Naruto snuggled down against Kakashi's shoulder and a cheek rubbed against his vest, legs tightened around his waist and arms wrapped around his torso in a backwards hug. 

And Kakashi took a deep breath and took a moment to soak in the clean air and the steady weight of Naruto, alive and happy, on his back. 


	4. My soul is bloodied and fighting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi, ages 30 to 31, is preparing for war and then fighting in yet another one. This time he's fighting for more than his survival or for his village. 
> 
> _Friend and Saviour_ , Gaara called. _Comrade and Friend_ , Konoha responded. _Naruto_ , Kakashi thought.

As the forests of Konoha gave way for grassy plains, Naruto kept glancing over in Kakashi’s direction, but never directly at him. 

Tenzō saw the looks as well, Naruto was hardly renowned for subtlety after all, and he promptly took the lead with a few ANBU signs in Kakashi’s direction. They were signed with a flourish that indicated amusement and that the coast was clear while saying _confirmed, visuals, ATTENTION, vulnerable position, fox, near, captain hound, mission, cat, scout ahead, half, sixty_. An ANBU way of saying that he was being polite and letting them have thirty minutes alone for an emotional conversation. Doing his best to avoid it, more like it. Kakashi rolled his eye and signed back _affirmative_. His subordinate waved to them both before fading into a nearby tree.

Naruto made a surprised noise and looked at the branch where Tenzō had been a split second ago. “What’s Yamato-taichō doing?”  
  
“Scouting ahead so that we can take a short break.”

“Oh, okay,” Naruto said and sat down on the ground, still not meeting Kakashi's eye. His hesitation reminded Kakashi of that conversation long ago about souls and soulmates and he knew, deep in his bones, that he’d be uncomfortable with whatever the subject matter was. And, given the timing of it and what Kakashi had revealed regarding the Yondaime just hours ago, he knew what to expect. Anger, betrayal and hurt. Kakashi knew that he deserved it and more for not being there for the boy as he grew up.

Deserving of the harsh rebuke and accusations as he may be, he couldn't bring himself to trigger the explosion. For once, a small and unworthy part of his being wished that Naruto would not ask him a question and let the past stay buried. 

Naruto was also not known for keeping quiet in the face of awkward conversations so it didn't take long until he spoke up.

"Sensei, back there, in the tent…” the boy said. “You said that fathers have a lot to tell their sons. When you asked about what the Yondaime had told me."

Kakashi sat down on a nearby rock and made himself face that clear blue stare head-on. This was not a time for half-truths and veiled responses. The cat was out of the bag and he could finally offer Naruto some answers. He hummed to show he was listening.

Naruto frowned at him before looking away. "Did you always know? Who my father was?"

"Yes,” he replied, ducking his head slightly to try and get Naruto to look at him again. “I did."

“Was that also a big secret?” the boy asked, looking intently at a shiny rock on the ground.

“Both your status as the Jinchūriki of the Kyūbi and the son of Namikaze Minato were meant to stay secret for your own safety,” Kakashi said, thinking back to the fateful day when the Sandaime had stood in front of a broken teenager with a baby in his arms, telling Kakashi that the boy would be raised in an orphanage. That his ANBU unit would sometimes be on guard duty, but that it would be all the interaction Kakashi would ever be allowed. “Someone leaked the former, so the latter was safeguarded even more closely.”  
  
“But you knew.”

Kakashi nodded.

The boy, finally and devastatingly, looked at Kakashi with those stunning eyes and held his gaze. “Because he was your sensei?”  
  
“Ah, Naruto, ” Kakashi said with a light tone despite how a vice slowly tightened around his heart. Just saying yes to that question would be the easier way out, but he wanted to give Naruto as much honesty as he could. “You remember how I told you I was five when I graduated from the academy?”

“Yeah, but what’s that got to do with anything?”  
  
“Your father was saddled with me at that point, and then in a more official capacity once my teammates-to-be graduated five years later,” he said, and delighted in Naruto’s small but genuine smile. Kakashi looked away as he thought about his old ghosts and past regrets because he knew the smile would soon fade away as Naruto realised just how much Kakashi had failed him. “When he learned he was going to be a father he told me the very same day. Once your name was decided I was told as soon as I returned from a mission. I was assigned to guard you before you were even born. I knew because I had known him for almost a decade at the time of your birth. And because I’d been on my way to the hospital to finally meet you when the Kyūbi attacked. Instead, I left you alone when I should have looked after you.”

Naruto said nothing. Then Kakashi smelled salt. He looked at Naruto in alarm to see tears flying through the air as Naruto furiously wiped at his eyes. 

“It’s not fair,” the young man said, voice shaking. “It’s not fair!”

“I am sorry, Naruto,” Kakashi said, feeling lost in the face of Naruto's pain. At being the cause of it. “There are no words for it. I failed you. I should have been there.”  
  
To Kakashi’s surprise, Naruto shook his head. “No, not that. Sure, it sucked to be alone, sensei, and it’d be nice to have had you around sometimes. But I survived, yeah? And I got to meet you later. But back then… you had lost every one of your precious people. You shouldn’t have felt responsible for me. Not when you were fourteen.”

Typical Naruto. The boy who had been hated and avoided like the plague for a sin that was not his own and did not hate in turn. The boy who had been abused by shopkeepers that now hailed him as a hero, with seemingly no shame, forgiving as always. At some point, he had to learn that sometimes people did not deserve forgiveness. That Kakashi was one of them.

“You're my sensei’s son,” Kakashi bit out through his clenched teeth. “I should have-”  
  
“But you didn’t,” Naruto said with a shrug. As if it was that simple. “It’s alright, sensei. It was rough. It hurt. It hurt a lot. I wanted to run away and leave Konoha. Why would I stay, y’know? I tried once or twice, but ANBU would find me before I even left the village proper. Once I tried to pass for a civilian and just walk out the front gates, but it didn’t work.”  
  
Kakashi stared at him and imagined a reality where that precious little boy, to be protected at all costs, had managed to evade the ANBU guards, the border patrols and then, ultimately, managed to elude Kakashi and his pack tracking him down. A life without Naruto in it.

“Naruto, you can’t tell me that and say you’re alright with how I left you alone.”  
  
“I’m not, sensei,” Naruto said, brutally honest. “But it wasn’t your fault. Not entirely.”  
  
“I should have done something, Naruto,” Kakashi said, still confused at Naruto’s easy acceptance. “While I couldn’t tell you who you were or who I was for security reasons, I could have done more than watch over you from a distance.”  
  
Naruto hummed before going silent, clearly thinking about something. Kakashi did nothing but sit next to him, not knowing what more he could say to prove it to Naruto that he should not forgive his sensei that easily. 

After a while, Naruto leaned closer and poked his shoulder. “Sensei, you know how I didn’t know what loss felt like in my battle against Sasuke?”  
  
The boy smiled at Kakashi’s nod before continuing. “I’d never had anyone to lose as a kid. Then Ero-sennin died. And I just shut down. It was awful and hard and I wanted to crawl into a hole somewhere and hide. I threw myself into Sage Mode training only to return to Konoha to not sense your chakra anywhere. I asked Tsunade-baa-chan if you were on a mission and she didn’t answer. I knew what that meant. I’d lost my master and my sensei.” 

He went quiet and Kakashi glanced over at his student. “I didn’t realise you’d sense that straight away.”

“You were _dead_ and _gone_ because I’d been too late. I didn’t have time to grieve though. I had to push on and stay calm, like you always say, huh sensei? Because the rest of the village needed me. So I bottled it up and could not think about it until the battle was over and I was heading to Nagato’s hideout,” Naruto said and those blue eyes pierced through him. “And you had to bottle it up for so much longer, right, sensei?”

“I don’t-”

“I might have blamed you more before I lost you, sensei. But now I know what it feels like to lose your most precious people. I get it, yeah? I get why you felt like you had to stay away. I don’t like it. It’d be nice if you hadn’t needed to.”  
  
“You should not excuse my weakness, Naruto,” Kakashi replied, feeling both lost and angry at how his student, who should have been his family, looked at him like it was forgivable to abandon your own.

“I’m not, sensei,” Naruto said and smiled up at him fondly. “You’re not weak. You made mistakes. But you were there for me later. Brought me vegetables. And you trained me and carried me home when I couldn’t walk on my own.”

Kakashi felt a shiver run down his spine and thought of another pair of kind, blue eyes and the man who had told him that it was alright to make mistakes.

“I wonder what Minato-sensei would say if he could see me now,” he mused. “I don’t think he would ever have imagined me as a sensei myself.”  
  
“I don’t know,” Naruto said, shuffling around until he sat with his back leaning against Kakashi’s legs. “But I know what I’d tell him about you.” 

“Oh?” Kakashi smiled and reached down to ruffle the golden spikes. “And what would that be?”

“That you’re an amazing sensei and that I’d never have wanted another one. But that he should have a talk with you about all that porn.”

_____

The ocelot looked rabid; her fur matted and filthy. The mad glint in her eye was mirrored in Sasuke’s harrowing laughter. It sounded more like a scream than anything else.

The young man in front of him looked nothing like Kakashi’s former student. Sasuke had always kept his cool, had always strived so hard to be above and beyond everyone else. He had been too strong, too proud to let himself be affected by his comrades. He had protected them, yes. It had been clear that Sasuke had cared where it counted, but he always acted as if he didn’t. To see him this emotional, screaming and crying out in crazed agony was unsettling. 

Still, he had no choice. Sakura was sneaking closer, ready to kill the love of her life. And Naruto would destroy himself if he was ever forced to kill Sasuke. Kakashi still remembered in painful detail how Naruto had fallen to the ground, clutching his heart as if it was breaking, when he realised just how far Sasuke had gone. Naruto had always stayed light, he did not fully understand the life of Shinobi. It was in many ways as if he was willfully ignorant to the darker sides of their lives. He had cheerfully declared that he would not become a tool, that he would stay himself. And miraculously he had managed so far. His hands had remained clean, even against the man that had killed his master, sensei and his entire village. Even against such a foe, Naruto had decided to not kill.  
  
In comparison, Kakashi did not suffer under any illusions. He knew what he was, what he had done. The blood did not just stain his hands, it had seeped into the very marrow of his bones.  
  
Killing Sasuke would be hard, but he had killed comrades before. Innocent comrades who had deserved life far more than he had ever done. Rin’s face flashed before his eyes as it so often did when he uncovered his Sharingan. Obito’s words echoed in his head.  
  
In comparison, killing Sasuke would be easy enough. It would not destroy Kakashi. What was another crack on a broken man?

_____

_Kakashi, age 31_

Kakashi knew war. He had been born and raised during one. It had chewed up a child and spat out a soldier before puberty. And it had sunk its bloodied claw into him for years after. 

This though, this was new. Tens of thousands hardened killers listened intently to Gaara's words of friendship, bonds and love. Tens of thousands voices cheered together as one.

Kakashi looked down at the forces gathered below them and thought of bright blue eyes shining with dogged determination to be seen and acknowledged by his village. His student truly was a bit of an overachiever. Naruto had fought and bled for Konoha to see him and now the entire Shinobi world knew his name.

_____

The Edo Tensei was a filthy, desecrating jutsu and Kakashi despised it more than anything else. Their honourable dead deserved to rest in the Pure Lands, not being dragged into the struggles of the living again. They had already fought and suffered once.  
  
Momochi Zabuza’s dead face and darkened eyes locked into his. There was despair in them because they both knew that the Demon of the Mist was not meant to be in the Land of the Living. The man was already dead and, most importantly, had died human. In the same way, his companion Haku had died protecting the man he loved. It hurt seeing that sacrifice be for nothing as their bodies were defiled in death.

Still, Kakashi had gotten to know Zabuza well enough during their fight years ago that he knew he was a realist. A ninja didn’t charge wounded and armless into battle, kunai between their teeth, if they thought they had a shot at surviving. It had been a last suicidal act of redemption and revenge in equal measure. All thanks to a young boy’s stubborn tears.

Zabuza would want a quick, clean second death and Kakashi was happy to give his old foe just that. In a similar way, Haku deserved an honourable death once more. Kakashi knew exactly how Haku would want to die again and knew it would be easy enough to orchestrate. He owed it to them for helping Naruto find his ninja way, he owed it to Naruto because the boy had liked the two and, he smiled as he realised it mattered, he owed it to himself. There were bonds he had to protect and dreams he had promised to see happen.

Thousands of birds sang as summoned lightning to his hand. For once, the sound made his heart feel light. This time it would be a gift.

_____

Once Zabuza and Haku were sealed away, the mist cleared and the sun could shine through again. He looked at the remaining Seven Swordsmen of the Hidden Mist and bared his teeth in a grin. Gai stood next to him with an eager smile on his face. 

He lifted Kubikiribōchō with one hand and channelled lightning through it. Gai took up a position behind him, guarding his six. It had been a long time since he fought with a sword, but he rather enjoyed the poetic justice of using this blade that should have been left untouched as a grave marker to kill what should have been untouched in death.

There was a sword like a needle, flashing in the sun. Its thread ensnared people that were too slow. Kakashi looked behind him, saw his division suffer casualties and pushed forward, leading the swordsmen away from the sealing corps and Sai’s weary face. It gave Sakura room to heal the injured. Lee took up a guarding position to shield them both and Kakashi smiled at the easy teamwork. The next generation fought well together. 

Still, his generation wasn’t over yet. He cut the thread with a Raikiri and sliced the owner in half with his sword. Dodged the swing of an axe and cut off the wielder’s arm. Then he danced away from two swords shrouded in lightning. A water dragon blasted gave him some room to manoeuvre. Gai’s kick came from his side and knocked a sword covered in exploding tags clean out of its owner's grasp. Kakashi took the opening and cut off the head. No blood spurted out, only ash and dust. 

How cocky they all were. Relying on speed and strong attacks. Well, Hatake Kakashi was known as an expert in both.

They fell, one by one, to his blade. The sword in his hand grew heavier with each swing, and each block started to radiate through his arm.

The next swing of that wicked axe sliced open a long gash on his arm. He leapt back, winded, and Gai took his spot as Sakura healed him. Sai sent ink animal after ink animal, beautiful lions and slithering snakes to create a diversion. A wind jutsu he’d last seen in the previous war cut off an arm and a leg, but they regrew as soon as the ashy lumps had crumbled to the ground.

The dead did not tire. The dead could not bleed.

Then, with a flash of gold and an overwhelming sense of warmth, Naruto appeared. Based on their latest intel about his student’s movements with Killer B, it was a clone.

Still, even a copy of the original was enough for Kakashi to relax. He knew the tide of battle had already turned.

_____

_“Attention all forces. As soon as you are able, proceed to Killer B and Uzumaki Naruto’s position. They have engaged Uchiha Madara on the orders of the Five Kage.”_

Gai met his eye and gave Kakashi his signature smile. Kakashi nodded and they moved as one before the sealing of their last enemy had even completed. 

It was not long until they saw the smoking crater where there had once been a great big forest. In the middle of it, a fight between monsters in the shape of a giant Eight-Tails against the Five-Tails. The ground shook beneath the great blows that rattled Kakashi’s bones. There didn’t seem to be much they could do in such a fight without getting in the way.

“Kakashi, look!” Gai said and pointed to an awkwardly held hand of the Eight-Tails. There, in a palm that dwarfed the golden shape, was Naruto. “Let us join our most youthful comrade!”

As they approached, the masked Uchiha Madara went for Naruto, assuming him to be vulnerable for attack. Kakashi glanced at Gai and gave a thumbs up. His rival laughed as he opened the Fifth Gate and prepared his charge.

_____

_He… He can’t be… No… it can’t… that’s impossible..._

It broke him. Seeing the boy he had put on a pedestal and whose creed he had followed turn into that. An angry man. An empty man. A screaming soul refusing to accept the reality that people died, life was unfair and that the love of Obito's life had died by Kakashi's hand. It was all Kakashi’s fault. If he had only been faster, more willing to try to save Rin back then during the bridge mission. If only Kakashi had been crushed under those rocks in Obito's place. All of this would never have happened.

Minato, Kushina, Obito and Rin. They would all be alive. Naruto would have grown up loved and adored, just like he deserved. If only Kakashi had been faster, better and less selfish. 

The rocks fell again. And again. Obito's smile echoed through his mind. Rin's determination as she jumped in front of him. The Kyūbi's attack. It could all have been prevented. 

But no. Kakashi was scum and worse than scum. He had failed both his mission and abandoned his comrades. He was no hero, but he had been making pathetic excuses in front of graves. 

He wondered if Obito's soul settled into something twisted. Snarling. Angry. Just like the man who never got to grow up past the anguish of his ruined world. All because Kakashi broke their promise and let Rin die.

He wondered if Obito's soul would have settled and found Rin's had they both lived. Or if one of them had been meant for him.

There was fighting around him. He knew that. Kakashi could not care about it. Not when Obito stood opposite him, alive and twisted by hatred. Hatred caused by Kakashi’s own mistakes. Had he really failed Obito, Rin and the entire fucking world so badly that this war happened because of him?  
  
“Kakashi-sensei! I don’t know what went on between you two but this isn’t the time to be depressed about it! I’ll listen to what you have to say later. For now, stopping this guy’s plan takes priority, right?”  
  
Naruto, standing there, like a literal beacon. The light that could guide even Kakashi back home. He stood up, bolstered, and realised he still had something to fight for.  
  
He had to ask. He had to know.  
  
“Why…?” Why would you stoop so low, fall so far, get so broken? Why were you not stronger than me? You were meant to be better than me. You were always better than me, Obito.  
  
“Just shut up,” Obito replied. This was the boy who used to smile and help grannies across the street. Now ready to watch the world burn. But for what?  
  
Kakashi shook his head, feeling numb and far away. This man was not Obito. It was a twisted parody at best, a jagged piece of glass, burnt and corroded.  
  
Obito scoffed. “Everything you say is trash anyway.”  
  
Trash. Those who leave their comrades behind are worse than trash. Kakashi had left Obito to die. He had left Rin to die. He had left them both, failed them both, killed them both. If someone who left their comrades behind was trash, what was someone who killed them? Obito had never told him that. The boy he had been wouldn’t have it in him to imagine someone killing their friends. Someone like the boy Obito had once been could never have imagined the man Kakashi would turn into.

“Trash should just keep their mouth shut… and die…”  
  
Kakashi nodded, feeling a bit manic. “I… couldn’t keep our promise. Yes… I’m trash… But you… you’re a hero of Konoha! There’s no need for you to do this”  
  
Next to him, Naruto shook, hands clenched into tight fists and eyes bright. Kakashi glanced at him, worried, because he knew what Naruto could do when he was angry. The brave fool had next to no self-preservation normally, but when angry? When one of his precious people was in danger? Naruto’s anger would be incandescent. This wasn’t just one precious person, after all. This was his world and he would not let it fall to the hands of someone like Obito or Madara who had forsaken it long ago.  
  
His student didn’t charge ahead. He just glared at Obito, the man he had reminded Kakashi of and proven stronger than in every single way. “You guys piss me off so badly… I can’t even put it into words… So I’ll tell you a little something about me instead. I’m not trash! And I won’t become trash either! I won’t let any of my comrades get killed!”  
  
The words rang through him, shaking his very soul. It was the same words. They had turned into a mantra, a way of life. He had taken those words, biting into them like a dog with a tasty bone and refused to let go. Kakashi had followed them like a holy tenet through his years in the Anbu. No one on his watch would ever die if he could help it. No one on his team ever died.  
  
They were the same words Kakashi had said, smiling in order to reassure his young students who had looked so small and so very scared all those years ago in Wave. 

He laughed. Of course.  
  
Kakashi stood next to Naruto. He had once promised to never let his comrade die. Years later he had also promised to always be there when Naruto needed him. And this fight was too big to let Naruto shoulder alone.  
  
He grinned, teeth bared. He fought. There was a promise he had to keep.

Still, he was but a mortal. Exhausted, he fell to his knees next to Naruto. He cannot do more, he was done and useless. What was Kakashi next to a near god-like Madara?  
  
“Garbage should know their place, Kakashi.”  
  
Obito’s words again. And he was ready to agree. Who was Hatake Kakashi, the friend killer, next to Uzumaki Naruto, the Boy of Miracles? They are all there to defend the world, to defend Naruto. But Kakashi can do no more. One more jutsu and he would be dead. He thought back to Sakura’s angry words after the invasion. They were laughable, really. What use would Naruto have of him as Hokage?  
  
“Kakashi-sensei is with me!”  
  
He looked up. Marvelled at Naruto’s fierce glare, the bared fangs and Obito’s stunned face.

_____  
  
“Kakashi-brat, give me your hand,” said the mouth of Uzumaki Naruto, but the voice did not belong to him. And while Naruto had called many people, many things, he had always referred to him as Kakashi-sensei. The voice though, it had been inhuman. Kakashi looked up into bloodred, slitted eyes and a grinning mouth. The body might be Naruto’s, but he knew he was talking to something else entirely.

It was the fox of the nightmares of thousands of Konoha’s citizens. The monster who had killed so many, with no effort. The demon with a roar that shook mountains and a lashing tail that caused tsunamis.

Kakashi stared. This was the fox that Naruto trusted. There was only one thing to do. He reached out his hand. There was a flash of something in those glowing eyes, but it was gone quickly as Naruto’s face smirked in a way it had never done before.  
  
The chakra running through him felt like Naruto’s, bright, warm and cheerful. Ramen and hugs and laughter. Behind it, entwined and curled into it, was something else. It was ancient and burned like fire, like the sun. Though it never charred his flesh or burnt his skin off. This was the nine-tailed fox, working in tandem with Naruto. Kakashi blinked at the sensation. Then he breathed out. It was a relief to a burden he had carried for almost twenty years. Naruto would not be taken over by the fox, because they were partners now. Kakashi would never need to worry about it again.

Later, as the Kyūbi was giving orders, Kakashi could not help but tell the fox that he’s happy to see him act like a captain. The look he got in return told him that the demon fox had heard more than he had said. 

_____

Things seemed to stop when Neji took a lethal blow meant for Naruto. Kakashi looked on as Naruto froze, clutching his dying friend close to his chest. There was nothing to do though, Kakashi had seen injuries like that before. Had, in fact, caused injuries like that countless times before and knew very well how fatal they were. Calling for a medic would make no difference, but he understood why Naruto did it. Facing the death of a friend was something he had wanted to shield his students from for as long as possible. They had already grieved Sasuke for years without getting over that loss. 

He stood close enough to hear Neji’s last words and see Naruto shut down. And he was close enough to see Hinata slap Naruto and then stroke his cheek. Once again he could do nothing.

He saw Naruto hold her hand. Of course. How fitting. Yet, something churned in his stomach at the sight.

Kakashi swallowed against the block in his throat and spoke up. For once, he wanted to say something. He told Naruto of how those words, those sacred words, had been a warning and a reminder to himself. About the people he had lost, but also about the burden of shouldering that weight for the rest of their lives.  
  
Naruto glanced back at him and smiled. Kakashi breathed out and smiled back.  
_____  
  
Naruto was still. Kakashi stared at the boy. He was so very still. His chest was gaping open from where Sakura had reached in to forcefully keep his heart beating. Because it had almost stopped. Because someone had almost managed to kill Naruto.  
  
He looked on, numbly, as the man faded away. There was nothing he could do. The jutsu he had memorised from Chiyo-sama required more chakra than what he had. There was no way he could use it.

Something old in him, or maybe it was something young, relaxed when Minato-sensei walked up to the body, no to Naruto. Because it was not a body yet. He would never be just a body for as long as Kakashi lived. That was an old promise of his and one he intended to keep.  
_____

He was pinning Obito down with Minato-sensei standing next to him. If it wasn’t for the lack of Rin’s scent nearby it could have been a friendly spar. Disregarding the agony of people dying around them and the fate of the world resting on his student’s shoulders.  
  
Kakashi raised his kunai, ready to strike. This was his bloody duty. His old comrade who had betrayed them all. The least Kakashi could do, drained and exhausted as he was, was to give Obito a swift painless death.  
  
He heard Naruto shouting in the background but, for once, he filtered the blond out. It was best not to think of Naruto watching him like this. 

The kunai glinted in the air as he swung it down towards the vulnerable neck beneath him. Then it stopped, mid-air as Minato-sensei grabbed his arm and held strong. That too felt like their old sparring sessions.

Sensei told him it was his duty to talk to Obito as Naruto and Sasuke went to deal with Madara. And he was right, of course. There was still a bond between him and his old friend, they still shared the same pain and the same clouded eye.  
  
Obito grinned without mirth and spoke of darkness, confusion and lost hope. How not even the Sharingan illuminated the right path to thread. Kakashi fell back and smiled, but without any joy. Because he knew that grief well. The difference, Kakashi realised, was that he had started to look to the future as well. And that future was a boy with a bright smile who refused to wallow in the past when there was perfectly delicious ramen to eat with his precious people in the present.

Something angry grew in the eye that mirrored his own. How could Kakashi be sure that Naruto wouldn’t fail? He considered Obito’s question and got up, stood on his own legs without needing Minato-sensei’s support now that he was calm again. What’s the difference between Obito and Naruto? Kakashi had compared them so often in the past, the student to the ideal. The living to the dead. The boy who took on Kakashi’s teachings, who had listened and lived accordingly to the boy who had said the words once, who had done it to shock Kakashi out of stupor.

Kakashi stood up and thought of his student who was going to save the world against overwhelming odds on his seventeenth birthday because that was the kind of guy Naruto was. The difference between Naruto and Obito? He smiled, that was easy now.

“Because if Naruto starts to trip or stumble, I’ll help him.”

Obito’s face looked naked and vulnerable, more like the boy who had been crushed than the man who had tried to crush the world.

“Why... would you help him?”

There was something pitiful about the confusion in Obito’s voice. The ideal that Kakashi had turned him into had been thoroughly smashed into pieces by now, but still, he shouldn’t be a stranger to the concept of love and hope.

Kakashi glanced away. Saw his student in the far distance, climbing the world tree to destroy it. He wanted to be right there by his side. 

He frowned in confusion as he noticed the smirk on Minato's face. His sensei said nothing but clapped his shoulder and pulled him into a one-armed hug.

As Minato pulled away he reached up and ruffled Kakashi's hair for probably the last time and chuckled. There was something sad about the smile The Yellow Flash gave his old student.

"I'm sure Kushina would be over the moon, Kakashi. But she'll have to wait before hearing all about it from you. At least five decades of waiting, you hear?"

Kakashi cocked his head, confused. What was he meant to tell Kushina? The tone of voice was familiar though and broke no arguments, so Kakashi stood at attention and nodded once. "Yes, sensei."

_____

The soft glow of Sakura’s healing jutsu was a soothing balm over his now empty eye socket. He had never expected to keep the eye forever, not after his Mangekyo Sharingan was turning him blind in that eye. Not even Kakashi saw much point to torture himself by carrying around his dead friend-turned traitor’s eye in his skull when it didn’t even serve any function. And his promise to Obito was null and void now as the man had been doing his best to tear the world asunder. Still, it stung that it had been stolen by Uchiha Madara and would be used against them in some way.   
  
He glanced away from Sakura when he saw something golden in the corner of his remaining eye. He should have realised that it was Naruto, but his chakra suffused the entire area and it was hard to determine where the young man was when everything around them was covered in a mist of warmth and _Naruto._  
  
“Naruto?”  
  
Sakura pulled away, leaving Kakashi’s eye socket visible to Naruto. The blond didn’t seem surprised in the slightest and just nudged Sakura away.  
  
“Hey, Sakura… Let me?”

Was his student planning on trying to heal the injury? Sakura’s healing had already stopped the blood flow so there wasn’t much more that could be done. The eye was gone, after all.  
  
“Naruto?”

A soft, glowing hand settled over Kakashi’s empty eye socket and there was a tingling sensation. It was warm and pleasant and a bit like sinking into a warm bath with aching muscles. It radiated throughout his entire body, but it was focused around his eye. Which itched a bit. Was that a phantom itch? He knew Obito’s Sharingan was gone, Madara had ripped it straight out of its socket. And wasn’t it strange how easily the Uchiha could take and implant eyes? Was that a clan jutsu?

“Try opening that eye, Kakashi-sensei,” Naruto said, with a gentle voice. He had never heard the youth sound like that before.  
  
Kakashi opened his left eye and widened it in shock. Because he had an eye to open, to widen to see out of so that the world was clear and vibrant and not bleeding red. He blinked, getting used to seeing the world as he had in his youth.  
_____

They were beautiful as they worked together seamlessly as if they hadn't been apart for years of blood, sweat and tears. For once, Kakashi was content to just watch because he knew, in his heart and the very marrow of his bones, that his former students would win. They would not die. They refused to die. These three would outlive and outlast him and their legend would surpass that of the Friend Killer, the cold-blooded Copy Ninja.

Kakashi looked on as his students dealt the final blow to their opponent. This Goddess of Shinobi who thought they would succumb to her. As if any of his students had been willing to settle for anything less than what they wanted, stubborn and brilliant as they were.

He looked on, with a heart ready to burst with pride and love. Because now he had people that were strong enough. People that he would get to see grow old because they would fight and laugh and live. For once they would live.

_____

Sakura’s breathing was a bit shaky but her face showed nothing but grim determination as they moved to the Valley of the End. Where they would find the remaining members of the original Team 7. Alive or dead. Naruto had once said that Sasuke and he would die if they ever fought. This time it was not a friendly spar or about leaving the village, this time it was about the fate of the world.

They pressed on through the night because they had both been too late in the past and knew the heavy price it could incur. 

As dawn arrived and they approached the Valley of the End, they both took in the sheer and wanton destruction of the area and realised just how all out their comrades had gone. Kakashi thought back to the previous time he had rushed over only to find Naruto crumpled to the ground. No. That would not happen, not after Naruto saved the world. Kakashi didn’t know what he would do if Naruto was dead. If Sasuke had managed what demons and gods had failed to do. 

They made it to the waterfall and looked around. Kakashi could not see any flash of orange anywhere and glanced down at the deep, deep water below. His body ached still and his mind was weary and he felt stretched out thin, pushed to his limits and beyond. 

“There they are!” Sakura exclaimed and pointed down to the stone hands of Hashirama and Madara that were now linked in a replica of the Seal of Reconciliation.

Kakashi looked down and laughed, amused besides himself. “Of course they’d be here.”  
  
He patted Sakura’s arm where it was still resting around his waist, really he was not that infirm just yet, and nudged her to join her teammates. They needed some time alone, the three of them together and united at last, and Kakashi would gladly stand guard for them.

_____

The first thing he did upon their return to Konoha was going to his apartment. As he got closer, he could feel Kama's calming presence welcome him home. He opened the door, ripped his mask off, sank to his knees and burrowed his face in her fur. She pressed closer, radiating grief for the losses, love for his brave students and hope for the future.

"We did it, Kama. They did it. They saved the world."

She huffed and nipped at the nape of his neck, reprimanding him for doubting that they ever would save the world. Where she got her optimism from, Kakashi would never know.

When he pulled back to greet his pack he froze once he saw her face. Two dark eyes stared back at him with affection.

Kakashi reached out and brushed trembling fingers under her left eye. 

"Oh, so he fixed yours too, did he?"

She grinned in answer and he felt affection, humour and wry acceptance through their bond.

He laughed. "Of course he managed to heal my soul from countries away."


	5. But if you want it, it is yours (so please look after it for me)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi, 32, is the Hokage in name, officially in robes and devastatingly in love. There are things you can't predict and sometimes you end up committing horrible mistakes. Then you just have to be brave and take the first step.

_Kakashi, 32_

The ocelot looked at him with wide eyes. It was sometimes said that souls were more expressive than their humans. In the case of Sasuke and his ocelot that was definitely the case. Then again, Sasuke had never been very good at expressing himself.  
  
His former student stood at the gates of Konoha, freedom and repentance in equal measure in front of him and his face revealed nothing. No joy, no sadness. Just defiance in the face of Kakashi’s warning. He knew Kakashi would be powerless to try and stop him if Sasuke ever felt like doing anything. The young man was, after all, powerful enough for Naruto to be the only thing capable of keeping him in line.  
  
The ocelot kept glancing towards the forest where Kakashi knew Naruto was waiting. Of course, Sasuke would only be interested in seeing Naruto off. This seemed more like a courtesy he felt he owed Kakashi rather than any wish to say goodbye to his former sensei. Still, Kakashi had never suffered under any illusion that Sasuke would give him a tearful goodbye and a hug. 

Kakashi waved him off and tried not to think too much on how the ocelot unerringly picked the direction Naruto was in and ran without even a glance back. 

____

The robes felt stiff and heavy. Kakashi was glad he still wore his mask because he was pretty sure the fine silk would itch against his skin. The ceremonial robes might have been made out of the highest quality in the Land of Fire, but it felt like scratchy wool. He kept wanting to take them off, but Tsunade was standing in the room with him and looked at him with a smirk as if she knew exactly what he wanted to do. He frowned and did his best to relax.

Kama rolled her eyes at him and nudged the small of his back to make him move forward. He walked up to his predecessor and the doors to the balcony.

“It’ll be alright, brat," Tsunade said with a pat to his shoulder. "It’s only until Naruto is ready.”  
  
“So until I’m old and even more grey?” Kakashi replied, hunching his back.  
  
The Fifth Hokage, one of the Legendary Sannin, rolled her eyes at his display and poked his side underneath his third rib. Of course, she knew exactly where he was ticklish. “According to you, that happened years ago.”  
  
“Taking on a Genin team is stressful, Tsunade-sama.” There might have been a slight whine to his voice, but Kakashi would deny it to his dying day.  
  
“Leading a village is even more so, Kakashi-sama.”  
  
He winced. “Please no.”  
  
“You better get used to it," Tsunade replied, amused and unrepentant. "You’re Hokage now. Time to meet the adoring public.”  
  
Kakashi sighed but followed her out on the balcony. He glanced at the Hokage monument and sent a prayer to Minato-sensei for luck. Then he glanced to his side where Naruto, Sakura, Sai and Tenzō were waiting for him, wide smiles on their faces. Though Naruto’s was a bit wobbly.

“Kakashi-sensei!” And with that, he was clung to by a laughing Naruto, who was simultaneously laughing and crying in happiness. “You’re gonna be awesome!”  
  
The rest of his team laughed at the blond’s antics but were quick to join in on the hug. This once, Kakashi would allow it. This once, he'd pull them all closer.  
  
“Congratulations, senpai!” Tenzō said with a pat to his shoulder.  
  
“You will be a most satisfactory Hokage, Kakashi-sensei," Sai said, with an honest smile on his face and withdrew with a bow.

Neither Naruto nor Sakura let him go that easily.

“Konoha won’t know what hit it, sensei,” Sakura said, grinning at him and looking just like the first time she had fully healed one of his injuries. Proud, fierce and prepared to take on the world. “And we’ll be here to help, of course.”

Then she raised herself up to whisper something for his ears only. “Make sure to give yourself some time to figure out what you want for you, sensei. You deserve it.”  
  
Kakashi thought of comfort and joy and, inexplicably, of ramen and rain. He nodded once as she pulled away.  
  
Naruto refused to budge. 

Kakashi smiled and ruffled his hair. “If you mess up these robes too much, I won’t make you my successor.”  
  
“The robes weren’t even finished in time, sensei," Naruto muttered into his shoulder. "You can’t get that angry if I crinkle them.”  
  
“But the old lady making them might run after me with needles again!”  
  
Naruto laughed. Then he took a step back and looked at Kakashi with eyes that reminded Kakashi of the sky. Warmth spread in Kakashi’s belly and he wanted to draw that precious face closer, taste that beautiful smile. Kakashi blinked. When had he started to think of his former student like that? How had he not noticed before now?

“Drop by drop,” he murmured, laughing at himself. “Of course.”

“What is it, sensei?” Naruto asked, with the sun shining down on his hair and across his eyes, making them look even bluer than normal. Kakashi glanced down at the familiar face and wondered when his wish to keep him safe and happy had turned into a need. Because anything less was unacceptable and Kakashi would tear out his own heart to keep Naruto’s whole.

His parents had both enjoyed poetry and their study had been filled with books and scrolls of poets old and new. His father had enjoyed a short poem about love sneaking up unannounced. Sakumo would often say that it was how he had fallen in love with Kakashi’s mother. Small things, little by little and day by day, until the love you feel for them overflows, but you cannot pinpoint just when the last drop fell.

 _Drop by drop, the glacier melted._ _My love now deep enough to make a lake._

Kakashi looked at the young man in front of him and thought of that old poem. For all his genius he had not predicted this. Then again, Naruto had always been unpredictable. If anyone would manage to get under Kakashi's skin and into his heart, it'd be Naruto. It seemed obvious looking back at it, but maybe that was just his lovesick mind being confused now that he had realised an obvious truth. Of course he loved Naruto. How could he not? He had never had a soulmate. Was it too fanciful to imagine it was because Naruto didn’t have a soul? Was this the person meant for him?

He felt a familiar weight brush against his leg and looked down at the grinning face of Kama. She was laughing at him through the bond, relieved and amused. There was a strong sense of finally and satisfaction radiating from his smug canine companion. The amused smugness he understood, because Kama always enjoyed when she figured something out before him. The relief though, that he could not make sense any sense out of. It felt as if an old wounded had been soothed in him, but he did not know what that wound would even be.

Kakashi stroked a hand over her shining fur and tried to get her to tell him why she was so relieved, but the stubborn wolf refused to broadcast anything but impatience for him to step up to the railing and wave to the crowd. That impatience was mirrored in his human companions so Kakashi took a breath, felt the sunshine on his back and walked towards his future.

_____

It would have been nice if Tsunade had properly warned him about all the paperwork. Then again, he had been warned by all the piles of folders surrounding them both as she’d cheerfully tossed him the hat. And by her smirk and mocking exclamation about finally getting a vacation.  
  
He was gleefully, but politely, denying a request about sending Sakura to Iwa to help them establish a school for medical ninja when Kama suddenly got up from her sprawl by his feet to jump out of an open window and leapt away. Her was tail wagging.  
  
Kakashi stilled. Then he rushed over to the window to stare after his soul. The only emotion he was getting from their bond was pure, unadulterated joy. She had never felt like that before. Could it be? No. Kakashi did not have a mate. 

He could sense his ANBU guards’ presence and knew that they waited with bated breaths, just like Kakashi. If his mate’s soul was settled it would appear very soon now. Unless they were from another country. He dismissed his guards. This was not something he wanted them to witness.

He had never expected a soul mate. Not this late in life. Not after everything he had ripped apart. 

Then, from his link with Kama: recognition, joy and love. He gasped and clutched his chest against the overwhelming tide. She had found them. Given how quickly she had found them, they had to be in the village. 

Kakashi made it back to his chair and slumped into it, feeling boneless.  
  
One minute passed, then five. Kakashi returned to his desk to finish his paperwork. Suddenly it felt far less urgent to offer up another medical ninja to Iwa since their Sakura was still needed in their own hospital. 

He picked up another letter. And laughed. It was a marriage proposal for him from a wealthy lord who wanted to marry off his daughter. The poor girl was undeniably beautiful. She was delicate, almost frail, with pale skin that rarely saw the sun and dark, sad eyes. Many men in his position would be enthralled by her beauty and view a demure woman as the perfect companion. Kakashi thought of a loud voice, a bright smile and a strength that could carry the world. He politely gave his refusal. 

Then on to a request for increased funding to the academy. Then came a few for training ground related things: one suggestion to build an underground training ground, another for one in the air and the third one for Naruto to curb his enthusiasm when trying out new jutsus. The last one was a fair request. Naruto often left massive gaping holes in the ground now that he could include tailed beast chakra in the mix. The corrosive chasm from last week had been truly inspiring but took some work to cover up. 

For the first one, Kakashi thought about Orochimaru's old lair and approved of it. The second one could be done with Yamato's help, but frankly, they had trees right outside and when would they ever need to learn how to fight on a stationary platform in the air? If his last mission had proven anything it was that knowing how to not fall out of a moving airship was the tricky part. Not how to fight on or in it. Kakashi responded to that one by resolving to change the curriculum at the Academy. Tree and water walking lessons should start from a much earlier age in the academy. Maybe he could summon Iruka-sensei for a discussion about educational reform? 

Finally, for the third one, he just thought of some different earth jutsus he could teach Naruto to enable him to fix up a training ground after wrecking it to his heart's content. He hadn't seen his former student in a few weeks due to Naruto’s current mission to Iwa. And even before that Kakashi had barely had time to have some ramen with him. The earth jutsu training could double as a way for Kakashi to check up on Naruto's progress with his studies. And perhaps an opportunity to trick him into paying for some dinners.

After he had responded to three more requests and placed his stamp on all of them it was clear that no animal would show up. That could only mean one thing: that his mate was just born. He would be in his 50’s by the point his mate was old enough to pursue a romantic relationship. No, that was ridiculous. He would have to deny the bond.

How typical that a joyful occasion in Kakashi's life was tarnished and twisted by some other factor. His birth, resulting in his mother's death. His early promotion, resulting in the earliest ever separation of a ninja and their soul. His Jōnin promotion, resulting in a dead friend. His rescue of Rin, resulting in her suicide by his hand. And who could forget the simple fact that both of these occasions were huge contributing factors behind the Fourth Shinobi War? Behind Obito's descent into madness and despair. The birth of his sensei's son, resulting in the Kyuubi attack. Him becoming a sensei, which ended up with a splintered team. Finally, him finding the perfect match for his soul in his early thirties, only to realise his mate was a newborn baby. A match he could not entertain, would not entertain. It would be cruel to any young soul to run out in the world to find their second companion only to find an old, washed-up Hatake Kakashi. 

Well then, it still seemed appropriate to know which baby it was. Which baby, toddler, child, teenager and adult he would avoid for the rest of his life. He was the Hokage so he could look into birth records without suspicion, but not without rumours spreading. Especially not after his ANBU would know all about it.

Infiltrating his own hospital seemed like a bit beneath the dignity of his office, but frankly, he needed the distraction. It wasn't like anyone would actually discover him anyway. 

As he scanned through the birth records he found one entry that caught his eye. One girl, Mihara Niko, born of civilian parents and without any hint of a developed chakra network. The time of birth was just a minute before Kama had left Kakashi's side. 

Kakashi frowned at the document in his hands. A civilian baby born out of a long line of civilians. While he had no plan to pursue this bond, he couldn't help but feel confused. What could he possibly have in common with a civilian? Was this some cosmic attempt to create balance? A man who made Genin at five and could split lightning in half with a girl who would be raised to be a housewife and could break her bones falling down the stairs. What a strange match.

He put the file back.

He could sense his ANBU guard resume their duties on his way back to his office. As he got back to the Hokage tower he leapt through the open window and spun his chair around to sink down in it. He stopped and laughed at the welcome sight. 

In his chair was a fox with familiar whisker marks on its fluffy face, the shape Naruto more often than not had his clone take whenever he needed to fake having a soul. His student yipped excitedly as he saw Kakashi and a fluffy tail rapidly wagged against his desk.

"Back from your mission already, Naruto? I didn't expect you for another day. But happy birthday! Iruka-sensei will be glad to have you back in time for some celebratory ramen."  
  
A quick sign and his ANBU guards were gone, but not before they chuckled in amusement and signed that they would be back with ramen in an hour. Them staying with Naruto around would frankly be a waste of resources and they deserved a break from the tedium of guarding a Hokage responding to letters. In return, they had happily developed a special sign for ramen in the official ANBU sign language.

"Want to give me my chair back? It won't be yours just yet." When Naruto didn't move he reached out to pick him up, but the fox jumped into his arms before he could grab the creature. Naruto settled down, purring, against his chest. "Really now."

Naruto grinned at him. Kakashi reached out to ruffle the fur between large, pointy ears. He reasoned that if Naruto didn't want to be petted, he shouldn't have such soft hair or such pretty blue eyes that always smiled at him.

As his fingers touched the fox, he vaguely registered his fingers tingle from the soft fur. Sunshine, laughter and a staggering affection sang through his blood and Kakashi realised what he was actually doing. He abruptly dropped the fox and leapt back in panic. The warm and pleasant sensation that still echoed through him was Naruto because he had touched Naruto's soul. He had… he hadn't known. How could he have known?

The world flashed before his eyes and he felt dizzy. Then he heard a loud thud and a crash and felt a sting on his hand. Then wetness against his fingers. He was on the floor. The fingers that had touched Naruto's soul still sparked from the lingering sensation.

He had collapsed. How undignified of a Hokage. He broke into laughter. Couldn't stop until it turned into a scream. 

The fox whined and shrunk back with its ears drawn back and down. It kept looking at him with Naruto's eyes. They were so large and beautiful and sad.

But Naruto didn't have a soul animal. He had lost it just as the seal was placed, like all Jinchūriki. Kakashi had never- would never- if only he had known. 

He had touched Naruto's soul. Kakashi had tarnished Naruto, tortured him. It was the vilest act, punishable by death if done to a fellow shinobi. 

His hand was growing warm and sticky. He smelt blood. Glanced down. Saw the shards of glass and the blood on the floor. It was seeping into the papers around him. Oh. He had cut himself on the glass he had knocked down. How clumsy of him. 

The fox whined again and took a small step forward, closer to Kakashi.

"No, don't-" said Kakashi, trying to pull away, make himself smaller with his knees pulled close and shaking arms wrapped around them, but the desk was a solid weight behind him.

Thankfully the fox stopped approaching, slinking back instead. Of course, the fox would forgive him for desecrating the most sacred rule. It was Naruto after all. He forgave monsters and demons and loved them anyway. That didn't mean they deserved it. That didn’t mean Kakashi deserved forgiveness. Because a small part of him remembered how good it had felt and still wanted to touch that beautiful creature with his bloodstained hands. To feel that joy and love that was Naruto again.

A knock at the door broke him out of his panic. “Sensei?”  
  
 _Naruto. Back from his mission. Of course. Because his soul was in Kakashi's office and he had touched her._

He was not ready for this. Still, he had to let Naruto in at some point. And there was no time like the present.

“Come in!”

His student opened the door and Kakashi looked over at the man and flinched at how the normally boisterous man was pale and distressed. Kakashi remembered all too well what he and Kama went through when he was six years old and just promoted to Chūnin. He had done that to Naruto, the man he had sworn to always protect.

“What’s wrong, sensei?” Naruto asked, walking closer while clutching his chest. He sank down next to Kakashi and took his still bleeding hand in his. With a soft golden glow, the skin was as good as new.

"Nothing, I was just clumsy."

"Sensei,” Naruto said, through a clenched jaw, trying and failing to hide the pain. “I could feel your chakra spike on my way back."

“Don’t worry about me, Naruto,” Kakashi said, pulling his hand away. He did not deserve that affectionate touch. Naruto frowned at him with glassy eyes.  
  
“Sensei - “ he stopped himself as Kama jumped through the window and walked up to Kakashi, radiating concern and confusion through their bond. Of course, she would not understand why Kakashi was upset. What was age to a soul? If Kama had found her mate, she would want them close. 

Kama sat down on Kakashi’s other side and pressed close into his side. Kakashi leaned into her, grateful for the support. She nuzzled his cheek through his mask and he smiled and kissed her between her ears.  
  
From the corner of his eye, Kakashi spotted Naruto’s fox walking closer. She sat down in front of them, barking once.  
  
“Ah, Naruto, that’s something new,” Kakashi said, nodding towards the fox. Its ears perked up at the attention. “She showed up a few minutes ago.”  
  
“Oh,” Naruto replied, eyes staring ahead. Something about him seemed to weigh him down at that moment. Kakashi frowned. The sickly man next to him had shouldered the world on his shoulders, had defeated a goddess and had made a deal with a demon. What could possibly worry him?  
  
Naruto glanced at his fox and then back to Kakashi. “She came here?”  
  
“I assume she showed up here since you were on your way from your mission?”  
  
His former student didn't reply and stared at his soul, a deep frown marring his usually so happy features.  
  
“Naruto.”  
  
There was no use. Those blue, blue eyes stared ahead as Naruto frowned. Kakashi was startled to see blood trickling down from the corner of his mouth.  
  
“Naruto!”  
  
Nothing. Naruto didn’t even twitch.  
  
Kakashi reached out a trembling hand to brush away the blood. This, at last, garnered some attention.  
  
Naruto flinched away from his touch. “What did you want?”  
  
The rejection hurt, but it was deserved. Even if Naruto didn’t know just yet. Kakashi sighed and pulled back again. They sat in silence for a while and Kakashi did his best to smother any impulse to pull the shaking body next to him closer.  
  
After what felt like an eternity, Naruto drew in a shaky breath and relaxed his tense shoulders. Kakashi took it as the invitation he knew it was.  
  
“Want to explain that fox of yours?” he asked, thinking it was best to start with an easier subject. “She's not a clone.”  
  
“No,” Naruto smiled sadly. “No, she's not.”  
  
“I didn’t realise that-”  
  
“That I had a soul?”  
  
“Well,” Kakashi said, feeling uncomfortable at how small Naruto looked. “Not one on the outside, that is.”  
  
“Neither did I. Not until after the war. Y’know when I died? Or well, almost died.” Naruto said, smiling but with empty eyes.

“Yes,” Kakashi said, remembering the sheer panic. “Yes, I know.”

“I talked to both super-gramps-" Kakashi took a moment to remember that Naruto was referring to the Sage of the Six Paths" - and Kurama about it. Since my mom was a Jinchūriki that meant Kurama's chakra merged with mine as my chakra coils developed. So part of my soul was always merged with Kurama."

"Ah, so when he was sealed in you, so was your not-yet-created soul?"

Naruto nodded, that horrible smile still in place. "Afterwards my seal with Kurama changed enough that my soul was released from the seal. She didn’t come out until today, a year later. Remember what you said to me years back about the soul showing up when the baby is one? Well, apparently coming back to life counts as being born. Who knew?"  
  
“Ah, I see,” Kakashi said, looking at the gorgeous fox and thought back to how Naruto had seemed different after the war, more settled. Kakashi had thought it was due to fulfilling his promise and saving the world, but finally having a soul forming must have been a comfort. “How do you feel?”  
  
“Well, I felt good. Great even! But then…”  
  
Kakashi winced. But then Kakashi had touched the beautiful creature. Had touched Naruto’s soul.  
  
Naruto looked away at that as well. Shoulders bent and curling his legs close to his body. He looked so small.

"Anyway, then I felt your chakra spiking so I rushed over," he muttered into his arms. "I didn't realise that it was connected. I just wanted to help you."

Naruto's fox whined and moved forward. Kakashi flinched away, making the fox change direction. She slunk over to Kama’s side, curling close. The large wolf didn’t even blink at that and just nudged the fox between her forelegs so she could rest her head over the little ball of fluff.  
  
Kakashi stared. Kama looked at him with two eyes glinting with amusement. The joy and contentment from before rang through their bond. She seemed perfectly happy having Naruto’s fox curled close, seeking comfort. While his wolf had always been more patient with Naruto than anyone else, more tolerant and even pleased with being talked to, that was a hard limit. No soul animal went that close to someone else’s soul. That closeness, that intimacy, was something only mated animals did. 

Naruto looked down at his restless hands, reminding Kakashi of a sad boy curled tight and asking him about souls and soulmates.

"What is it, sensei?"

"Your fox..."

Naruto looked over to see his fox perfectly happy to have Kakashi's wolf curled around her. The fox was, in fact, purring. 

Naruto glanced in his direction but looked away as soon as he saw Kakashi’s eyes. He stared at the floor with a blank look and frowned, growing angry. "Well, where else would she go?"

Kakashi shrugged, confused about why Naruto refused to look at him. As he tried to catch his eye, Naruto hid his face in his arms.  
  
When he sat up a bit straighter to get Naruto to just _look at him,_ the fox leapt up, lightning-quick, to curl up in his lap. The fox wiggled around until it was belly up, squished in the tiny space between Kakashi's legs and his flak jacket. Kakashi blinked. The fox looked back at him, grinning. 

"That cannot be comfortable."

The fox did not move. It just laid there, showing off the snow-white fur of its belly, and yipped at him again. 

It didn't even move as Kakashi slowly unfurled and ended up sitting cross-legged with Naruto's soul sprawled into his lap. 

This was weird behaviour out of a soul animal. While soul animals normally allowed precious people somewhat close and his own wolf had spent many hours guarding his students and, in the case of a certain knuckleheaded little brat, delivering vegetables to them, he had never seen an animal jump into someone's lap like this. Only if the person was- no. No. That was ridiculous. 

This gorgeous creature could not be meant for him. Naruto, who was still curled into a ball next to him, could not be meant for him.

His soul huffed at him and looked annoyed at him for a bit. Then, a memory, a scene in a dusty attic and Kama walking up to a one-year-old Naruto on his birthday and _recognising_ him.

Kakashi breathed out a shaky breath. His heart was pounding in his chest. Could it be? Kakashi ran a hand over Kama's head and saw how the fox stared at his fingers, straining towards them. He remembered how warm he had felt stroking the glossy fur. Remembered how the fox had only moved away from him when he pulled away and then looked sad. No snarl. No flashing teeth. Just sad eyes and an attempt to move closer.

He slowly reached for the soft-looking belly, the belly that was still presented to him in an act of absolute trust, and broadcasted the movement clearly. The fox just looked at him. Kakashi didn't dare to blink. 

Just before he could touch that silky looking fur, Naruto tensed before straightening up.  
  
"Kakashi-sensei, it's alright," he said, with a large grin on his face. His eyes were closed, but Kakashi could smell tears. That would not do. “You don’t have to accept it. You said so, right? It’s not like I’ll die.”

"Naruto, it's not," Kakashi said, reaching for that beautiful face and wiping away the tears because there was no need for them. Kakashi could make this right, could make Naruto smile again. "I am sorry for making you think I rejected you."

Naruto opened his eyes at that. "What? So you-"

"I didn't mean to reject the bond. I thought she was a transformed clone. When I felt _you_ , I thought I'd touched your soul without consent and without being your soulmate."

"Oh… So you want m- the bond?"

"Yes," Kakashi said, smiling at the joy spreading over Naruto's face. That's how he should always look. And now Kakashi had ample opportunity to ensure it personally. “I want you.”

Naruto lunged at him, burrowing his face in Kakashi’s neck, laughing through his tears. Kakashi sneaked one hand into soft hair and another one around Naruto’s waist, pulling him even closer. At the same time, the fox brushed against Kakashi’s hand, sending a jolt through him.

His fingers slid through silk and clouds and warmth. The sensation of laughter and warmth and yes, fierce and joyful love ran through him again. Naruto was everywhere and everything. Kakashi saw him, completely, and could do nothing but pull both of the gorgeous creatures closer. The fox curled close and nuzzled Kakashi's cheek, huffing at how the mask was in the way.

"So this sunshine is for me then?" he murmured into silky soft fur, delighting in the feel of Naruto’s body and soul held in his arms. 

The fox purred in response.

Kama gave a short bark before curling close to Naruto, huffing and nosing at the nape of his neck until he giggled and reached out a hand to stroke her fur in turn. 

Kakashi gasped at the sensation. He was seen, known and _loved_. Loved by Naruto, after having loved him for days, weeks, months, years or forever. He didn’t know. Kakashi just knew that this is what he wanted, just for him. He wasn't sure if he deserved it, but he refused to let it go. Liquid warmth ran through his veins as Naruto pulled down his mask, demanding a kiss.

As always when it came to Naruto, Kakashi gave in with a smile. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had this fluffy idea with a scene with Kakashi and Naruto's soul in the form of a fox for the soulmate prompt. This grew into me thinking "what if I add some misunderstanding about if they're soulmates and if the bond got rejected?". Which, in turn, made me think "but then I have to explain why it's bad to touch someone's soul" and "I need a way for Naruto's soul to be mistaken for something else". And from this short little story grew a longer one where the ending was written first. Then I added scene, after scene after scene. 
> 
> Thank you for reading this story! And thank you so, so much for your kudos and comments. It means a lot to see that someone enjoys reading some thoughts that you've managed to wrangle down into some semblance of a sensible story.


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